Wednesday, May 31

Look Out I’m Back!!

Hello people I am still here, well I think so anyhow. I am just back from a delightful weekend at my mums, where once again I have been spoilt rotten. Even the constant attention of the dog, Jemma was welcomed. It was so nice to see them all again although in saying that my brother had decided to go to Turkey with the wife and kids this week of all weeks, how inconsiderate!!! Never mind I guess I will just have to inflict myself on my mum and dad one Sunday when they come to visit.

As per usual we had the customary hour of sunshine each day followed by the inevitable rain and clouds….well what do we expect we are in Wales after all!!! You watch we will still have a hosepipe ban this year and all because we sell most of our blinking water to the brummies!!!!!!

I recon my mum should be in the Egon Ronay’s Guide for good food as it’s always gorgous and she quickly realised that I have this constant urge for all things Chinese. Ha ha ha I had to laugh when on Sunday this flier was posted through the letterbox advertising a new local Chinese take away of all things.

I did my usual trick too… I didn’t have to take much with me and as per usual I forgot one of the most important things. I bought a long 10 meter Network Cable so I could connect up to my mum’s internet connection Doh!! In the end my mum sent my dad off to get one on Friday.

Went to my mum’s local on Saturday morning, Cardiff Medical Centre, ha ha ha where I have finally gone and ordered my Electronically Adjustable Double Bed. I have wanted one for a long time now for a number of reasons, not just for comfort and stuff but as you can imagine the skin problem I have at the moment as in the tightness has meant that I can no longer lie straight and need to raise my legs up and it will help with the breathing too and do away with the need to have hundreds of pillows to make me sit up straight. I must admit the cost has been the main issue stopping me which is a bit of a bummer but then it’s the same old thing isn’t it anything to do with disability aids and stuff is a huge rip off!!! My mum bought me this great little thing that will allow me to wear socks again. I haven’t been able to bend down far enough to put socks on for some time now because of the skin thing but this thing really works. It’s called Soxon which I thought was quite original too ha ha ha. She also bought me a pick up stick thing as I always tend to drop things and find it really difficult if not impossible to bend down to pick them up.

Well I decided to end a perfect weekend I would go and top it all by falling over whilst getting my mother’s birthday card and flowers from the car on the drive. It was all my fault as instead of getting my shoes on I wore my slippers out there which were not as good. Along with this I decided to be brave and not use my sticks too…STUPID GIT!!!!!! I went flying into the bushes grazing my face and scratching my legs. The main thing is though that it really shook me up. Sp much so that I have not quite been the same since, not that I am dwelling on it but I have seen it as a bit of a reminder to take things easy and not push too hard at once.

I went for my latest dose of PUVA today too which was a bit of a disaster. The reason being that as soon as I mentioned the fall and she saw the graze on my face she decided that due to the risk of the medication maybe causing an infection that it would not be wise to do the treatment today, ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a waste of a trip, I could have stayed in bed for a couple of hours. Anyway at least I went to Tesco’s I suppose for a few things but even that was a disaster and I ended up forgetting a few things and the had to stop at the other Tesco’s nearer home.

Right that’s quite enough for one day, I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully!!!!

See Ya!!

Thursday, May 25

Expensive Tastes!!

I’ve been having major troubles this week trying to get a prescription that was written by The Wizard on Monday at Heath Towers filled via my own GP. As the prescription was written for the hospital I need to take it into the surgery then the doctor needs to send it to the Cowbridge Main Surgery for authorisation then its returned here to be written up then its finally handed in to the Chemists where they more often than not have to order some of the items which can take another 24 hours. And all because I couldn’t be bothered waiting for an hour at the hospital pharmacy for the drugs. Well I say an hour but at the moment they are doing a lot of repairs there and it can often take quite a lot longer. Well, I went to collect it from the chemist finally this afternoon after ringing first to see if it had been done. When I got there she was just finishing it off and came and explained a few things to me about a couple of new smarties they have put me on. Well they are new to me according to them because this is the first time that I have got them from the GP as I usually have got them fro Heath Towers. She went on to explain that one of the drugs that I’m on called Voriconozole which is like a strong Anti-Fungal medication to stop me getting some infections she can’t even order for me as it is too expensive and the GP in fact didn’t even write it up because of that. I’m thinking of going in after the week-end and asking to see one of the partners because surely this cant be right. I remember having a conversation with him some time ago about the prices of some of the drugs that I am on and he said to me then that it doesn’t matter if I need them they will give me them. He also said that no matter where I get drug whether it’s Heath Towers or Via the GP it all comes out of the GP’s budget which is why I have recently started to get my drugs from the GP instead of having to wait at the hospital. I know some of my drugs are pretty majorly expensive but hey if I didn’t need them they wouldn’t be prescribed for me. It’s not like I’m asking for Herceptin or something which is not licensed all the drugs I’m on are standard issued drugs for the various conditions I have got. So the upshot of it is that tomorrow now I have to take the original copy of the hospital prescription to the hospital and explain to them that I need them to give me the Voriconozole only from it which I know is gonna cause me loads of hassle as I have only got the top copy for a start and I only nee one out of the 5 things on there. So I guess I will be there some time just what I need after all the hassle at PUVA.

Thank god I’m going up my Mum’s straight afterwards for the week-end so I can sit and chill for a while that is if Jenny the pooch actually leaves me alone for a second. For an old dog she sure has got some energy when she wants too ha ha!!

Right I’d better go start packing the 4 suitcases ready for the week-end away. 3 for the drugs and one for the clothes let alone the oxygen and the wheelchair and so on and so on….. Oh yeah not forgetting the Chinese nibbles ha ha!!

Oh yeah peeps on a much happier note remember I have talked a bit about a chappy called Peter who’s blog is cool and addictive also, well he’s got a starring roll tomorrow morning on the goggle box if you’ve got a spare hour to watch him if not set your video recorder. He’s on the programme called City Hospital on BBC1 at 10AM it’ll be quite strange seeing him like real life so to speak as this internet thing can be very impersonal and identityless if there is such a word. He’s being interview about his Pet Scan results which he has received today and all is good news too. Good On Ya Peter!!!!

See Ya!!

It’s Been A Quiet News Day Again!!

Ooops sorry fell asleep before I could post this yesterday!!! Well it seems to be a sort of quiet news day, well for me anyway it is. Not a lot happening at all in fact I only have to go to the chemist down the road to pick up my usual sack full of pills and potions and have the usual natter with the pharmacist and her lovely staff, they’re all so nice there. Well apart from me the government on the other hand seem to be stumbling from one disaster to another especially the Home Office Department. What with all the stuff about releasing illegal immigrants from prison without deporting them to the latest things like illegal immigrants actually working in the Home Office and the shocking amount of prisoners that have absconded from Open Prisons last year. The Prime Minister Mr Blair recently made a wise move and replaced the man at the helm so at least from now on it will be hard for people to point the finger directly at who was to blame. Wise old man!!!

Don’t get me wrong I am far from being involved in politics despite my obsession with programmes like The Daily Politics Show and Working Lunch and it is not that unusual for me to sit and watch The Parliamentary Channel all day, I know that’s sad but you would be surprised what you can pick up whilst listening to some committee meetings etc and as far the Weekly Pantomime that is PM Question Time well it’s always worth a look for the Comedy Value if nothing else.

On a slight tangent I’ve just been thinking back to when I was growing up,(this always seems to happen whenever I plan to go up to my mum’s as we usually reminisce about old times etc ha) well I grew up in a very working class area of Cardiff. It was home to mainly Dock Workers or Steel Workers. Whilst thinking about politics etc reminded me of the fact that one of the central places that people meet up etc is the local Social Club. Well there were 2 around by us, the Conservative Club and the Labour Club. It was quite funny really because you would think especially by the fact that labour had been in control of the council here for years and years and in fact the local MP was old James Callahan himself that the Labour Club would be the happening place so to speak, but it was far from that. The Labour Club was this run down old single story wooden shack and the Conservative Club was this huge 2 story building with a very plush function room upstairs which was always fully booked with parties etc and the usual weekly bingo sessions for the blue rinse brigade etc. and the bar downstairs was always full up with the thirsty workers at the end of the day. I’m sure you can’t convince me that they all used to vote for the Tories after having to swear allegiance to them in order to become a member.

Come to think of it when I was younger and used to play the Trombone in a Military Band we used to play concerts at various places such as social clubs and parks in the summer etc and all the best social clubs we played at were Conservative one’s, why ???? I don’t have a clue???

Right I promise to return to my usual ranting quivering mess again later for today’s little snippet on my sad life although don’t hold your breath as the highlight of my day is going to be a trip to Tesco’s for some odds and ends and that’s about it.

See Ya!!

Tuesday, May 23

I Should Have Stayed In Bed!!

Up fairly early today as I thought I would go for a drive into Cardiff just for a few odds and ends. I stopped off to hand my prescription into the Doctors and was so pleased to see that the old receptionist was back. At least I know it will be done and ready to pick up the long list of drugs from the chemist tomorrow. Anyway off I trundle into Cardiff. I only needed to go to 2 places. One was the indoor market in the town centre and the other was to the Chinese supermarket just outside town. There is some limited parking outside the market as in there is an unloading area right outside where I can park with the badge and nip in for a minute. I only wanted some stir fry stuff from the first butchers as you go through the door. So it should only take me a minute or two, well maybe a little longer the speed I can walk. This butcher makes up the most delicious stir fry’s and they are fairly cheap too and make it not worth trying to make your own. Well I turned up and just as I was expecting really there was nowhere to park. I sort of waited around for a while in the hope that someone would go soon but after 20 minutes I gave up and decided that I would try to see if I could get a place in the Shopmobility car park and borrow one of their scooters to get me back to the market as it was a little too far for me to make it otherwise. Well I pulled in and the attendant came out to the car. I asked if they had a scooter available only for about ½ hour or so. He asked whether I have been before to which I replied that I had a few times and the last was probably about 6 months ago. He went inside and had a chat to another bloke which I could see through the window then came back and said no sorry not today. Oh No!!! I looked over to the right and saw 4 scooters sat there doing nothing too, I recon he just didn’t like the look of me for some reason. Ah well off to the Chinese supermarket to see if I could at least do that so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. I stopped off at a hole in the wall to get some money out on the way and even that was broken and wouldn’t give out any money. By now I was beginning to think the whole world was against me today. I finally managed to park in a bus lane outside the Chinese supermarket as I wasn’t planning to be that long. I wanted to pick up a few odds and ends. Stuff like some Dim Sum and spring rolls and a few sauces and spices and stuff. Its fatal me going to places like this as I just want to buy it all. Well basket in hand I headed off around the shop and started to fill it up slowly. I got to the spring rolls and stuff at last and noticed a sign saying only cash and cheques accepted strictly no cards at all. OH NO!!!!! I knew that I only had about £6 in cash on me and even by my rough mathematics my basket was worth probably around £20 already so I had to go back around putting almost all of it back apart from a few items that I intended to use for tonight’s meal. How bloody annoying!!! Well after just about scraping together enough to pay for what I needed I headed off back to the sanctuary of my car where at least there I knew that no one would be against me!!

Well after my exiting unsatisfying trip I couldn’t wait to get home as by know I was getting a bit desperate for a good lashing of cream on the skin as It felt like there were a load of aliens trying their best to fight their way out of any available pores. I had to stop off briefly at Tesco’s on the way to pick up some ribs before finally getting home. No sooner than I was through the door that I was beginning to strip off in preparation for the cream, I couldn’t get it on quick enough. Thankfully after a while they began to work and the itchiness started to ease off a bit but the pain from the stretching of the skin is always there really and it’s hard to get relief from that. Sometimes sitting sort of bent double if you see what I mean helps as the worse area is around my waist and tops of my thigh’s which is why standing up straight is soooo painful.

Okay I’m off to watch some more Big Brother. Sad Or What!!!!! Get that blinking Shabaz out of there for god sakes!!!!!!!!


See Ya!!

Monday, May 22

It Was Worth The Wait!!

Well I finally did it. I forced myself to cook one of the T-Bone Steaks tonight for tea. MMMmmmmmm it was absolutely delicious and well worth the wait. This thing was so huge that I only just managed to get through it and a couple of mushrooms, nothing else. I couldn’t move afterwards for ages as I was completely stuffed and felt like a right piggy. I’ve got one of these monsters left which I am keeping for a special occasion, well that’s the plan anyhow, but I might just be tempted one day. I think a lot of it is to do with the build up as well, as I have been thinking about it all day long and couldn’t wait to get home to start cooking it.

Right back to normal now. Been up to Heath Towers today for both PUVA and to see The Wizard as well. Managed to park right outside the door too which was a bonus. There was a different nurse to do the treatment today and she made a few comments about my skin on my face being a little red. I looked in the mirror and reassured her that this was my normal skin colour but she said that she thought it might be wise idea to not up the dose of UVB today and she gave me the same time as the last session which was a bit of a bummer but never mind there is always next time. After the hard slog of putting on all the creams and potions which is so hard work I made the mad dash over to the main hospital to see the Wizard for my fortnightly check up. He’s tweaking around with a few drugs and adding a few more for good measure at the moment so he wants to keep a close eye on me. I can’t blame him really, wouldn’t you want to see me that regular?? Just to keep you sane??? All going well on the blood front too as to my astonishment he didn’t even want to have any taken today. Yipeeeeee!!!!!!!

I think I over did it a bit today as in pushed too hard with the walking and stuff. My own fault really as I had arranged the PUVA for an hour before seeing The Wizard which was cutting it a bit short really and not leaving me much time to get all the creams on which takes ages and wears me out too then having to almost immediately having to walk to the Day Unit. I was a bit of a mess by the time I got there and couldn’t wait to sit my bum down for ½ hour and have a rest. Never mind at least I had the Steak to look forward to. A bit like dangling a carrot in front of me ha ha!! The walk back to the car seemed to take a lifetime too and I was glad to reach the safety of the car for a rest and ease my breathing somewhat.

I’ve got a fairly quiet week on the appointments front and I’m building up to a week-end at my Mum & Dad’s next week-end which I am really looking forward to. I haven’t seen them for quite a while now and so have a load of gossip to catch up on about all of my weird and wonderful family. There a right bunch honestly! Well what do you expect you all know how weird I am????

See Ya!!

Sunday, May 21

Not Impressed!!

Do you know I woke up this morning with this overwhelming urge to go out for Sunday Lunch. I found it strange as my taste buds and appetite are still not right as you know but I just had to go. We haven’t been out for Sunday Lunch let alone any other meal come to think of it for ages and ages. We used to go to this pub called the Highwayman not far from us quite regularly for Sunday Lunch and the food was always superb so we decided to go there. They do 2 sizes Standard and Mega I think they call it and I used to always have the Mega one. I knew that from memory there is no way that I could even get half way through a mega one at the moment my stomach wont stretch that far so I settled on the Standard one as did Judith. We waited only a short time for it to arrive meanwhile I sipped on my Cloudy Beer. It must have been the first one off but I couldn’t be bothered to go and change it. The food looked its usual lovely self. The chef adds a bit of butter and cracked black pepper to the cabbage which is gorgeous. Well to be honest the best way of describing the meal was no way near what it used to be. The meat was tough for a start, don’t get me wrong there is lots of it just that’s its chewy. We were both not impressed with it at all and it was that bad that we will probably not go back there again which is a shame really as we used to enjoy it. Never mind there are loads of options around here as there are so many little country pubs within a 5 mile radius that all serve food. Maybe I can become a food critic or maybe write a book on eating out on a Sunday that might be a laugh.

Boy have I paid for eating that much. My stomach is so painful and tight and no matter how much cream I put on it hasn’t made a difference at all. My breathing is a bit erratic too as my stomach is taking up valuable room that my lungs usually use to expand. I look at the change in available space for lung expansion as before I used to have a 2 bedroom house whereas I now have a bedsit. It seems to be a little easier if I sit than it is when I stand up straight, that’s a laugh me stand up straight ha ha ha!! I guess sitting I’m not stretching the skin as much so there will be room for more expansion.

Right, time to watch Wales lose at footie as per usual.

See Ya!!

Saturday, May 20

Not My Fault Honestly!!

I do apologise for not posting for a few days but it wasn’t my fault honestly. I’ve been having major difficulty in accessing the blog in order to post anything. For some strange reason m password had changed which is weird as I hadn’t done anything to bring this about. It had reverted to the original password that I was given when I set up the blog. I’ve been emailing Blogger for days and have tried all ways to get it sorted but after trying all the passwords I ever use I stumbled across the original set up email from Blogger and tried that password and Hey Presto!!! I was in.

Well I’ve not been wasting the spare time that I’ve had and have put it to good use in starting to build my own web site and plan to host the blog on there too so it might make a difference then. I thought it might be an idea to extend the blog so to speak into a web site with all sorts of relevant info on it but rest assured the blog will still remain as I know a lot of you are lost without your daily fix of madness and I would not to deprive you either. The other point is that due to space given really I’m a bit restricted as to what I can or can’t do and you all know I don’t like restrictions!!!! I have loads of whacky ideas as you might have thought and hopefully I will finish it soon and let you know so you can share in yet more madness. Hopefully there will be a section for the Ducks too as they are feeling a little left out at the moment and besides they need I need them to be happy as when they are happy they eat well and when they eat well they grow nice and fat. Just what I need for my Christmas Dinner next year. Yummy!!!!!!!

Due to the horrid weather the last few days my chest has not been too good, really wheezy and quite tight making breathing quite hard at times. I’ve not needed to resort to the oxygen although I probably should have at times but are too stubborn. My skin is, well let’s just say BLOODY PAINFULL AND TIGHT!!!! I am having so much grief with my skin which seems to be never ending. It hasn’t been helped this week by the receptionist at the GP surgery having a week off and the temp they have in hasn’t got a clue. I put in a prescription from the hospital on Tuesday for the doctor to write up for me. Usually when I do this it is sorted that day and taken over to the chemist next door and is ready for collection usually in the morning or at the most mid afternoon. Well when I rang on Thursday morning to see if it was ready she said no I can see it so it must not be and to ring back tomorrow (Friday) it should be done by then. The problem is that it was for the creams I use to give me some relief from the itchiness etc and I will be running out on Friday probably and would not want to try going all weekend without any. When I rang on Friday it still wasn’t ready and there was not going to be any doctor to sign it on Friday anyway, (it’s only like a little satellite surgery in the village). I frantically phoned the Chemist to see if the could do anything for me and thankfully the creams I need are all available without prescription although I have to mix the menthol in myself on one of them which is no heartache at least I have them now having had to pay for them. Hurry up back receptionist person whatever your name is I can’t take much more of her.

Right back to some more building and tweaking and things and I might do some work on the web site too ha ha!!

See Ya!!

Wednesday, May 17

Busy Bee!!

Up bright and early today, well in fact way too early. I was wide awake at 4am after only managing to drop off at around 12.30am. Don’t you just hate when that happens?? I needed to be up and out by around 8.15ish as I had a dental appointment at Heath Towers followed by my second lot of PUVA and that way I may just be able to get a parking space at the Dental Hospital. Ahhhh rush hour traffic MY FAVOURITE!!!!!! In the end I got there and parked just 5 minutes before my appointment time which was cutting it fine. It’s a case of some regular maintenance with the few remaining teeth I have left so she did a couple of minor fillings and we’ve arranged another appointment for a fortnights time when she is going to add another tooth to my bottom denture to make up for one that fell out a while ago. This is going to be a bit of a pain as I have to get there for a 9am appointment to make the impressions etc then leave my denture with them and go back the same day at 4pm to have it fitted etc. it’s a bit far and a waste of petrol coming back home in between so I might see if my Mum & Dad wouldn’t mind baby sitting me for a few hours.

Right, back to the motor and a quick dash over to the other side of the hospital to try and get parked near the Dermatology Department for my PUVA. It was just my luck that you couldn’t get any 2 departments further away from one another probably around ½ mile drive!!! I was expecting the usual hassle to get a parking space especially as they have a really busy clinic on a Wednesday morning but to my astonishment the car park was like a ghost town and I managed to park in one of them spaces that I put a picture on here of the other day right by the door. I was in plenty of time too as I was expecting problems when I arranged the appointment and decided to leave as much time as possible in between appointments to allow for any hassles. Well after sitting in the car listening to the radio for an hour it was time to go. I didn’t feel quite as worn out as last week surprisingly after struggling up to first floor although in saying that I couldn’t sit down quick enough when I finally got there!!! Well time had come to go have my bath in readiness for the big Sun Tardis!! Does this sound strange to you right?? The longer I’m sat soaking in the bath, the more my skin feels dry. It doesn’t make sense to me as I would think that the water would sort of soak in somewhat and maybe even soften the skin. When I get out my skin is SOOOOO PAINFULLLLLL!!!!!!!!! It’s extremely dry and tight and I can’t start slapping the creams on till I’ve had my dose of rays. I was impressed when she said that as I had not had any adverse reactions to the last treatment she could increase my time spent sunbathing today. WOW!!!! I thought, till she told me I could have15 seconds instead of the 11 I had last time. I guess every little helps I suppose and besides the thought of having to stand in there with extremely sore skin for 2 minutes without relief is not something to look forward to is it.

Once I had splashed all the lotions and potions on it felt a lot easier and I headed of home via my favourite store to get something for tea. You would think at times if you were to search through our rubbish bags (if your that way inclined), that we were loaded and liked the finer things in life as far as cuisine is concerned but I always go straight to reduced section in the fridges where you can pick up a lot of that stuff at half price due to the date running out today which if you are buying for today is ideal. I find their Finest range is what appears most of all too which is usually delicious stuff.

I was on my home finally through the pouring rain when all of a sudden one of my front wiper blades decided to become attacked and just hung on over the arm causing the metal arm to rub against the screen so I had to pull in on side of the road. I had a look and the little piece of plastic that joins the blade to the arm had disappeared so I had to call out the RAC to come and fix it whilst I was parked at the side of the road. They took all my details and then gave me the good news “It Might Be Up To 75 Minutes”!!!!!!!!! I decide to try and pull a fast one and say that my chest was not too clever and I had left home without my oxygen so I needed to get home as soon as possible just in case and he said he would try and get it sorted as quick as possible for me. Well 45 minutes later the lovely RAC man came and fixed it for me with a cable tie to hold it on as the only fitting he had was slightly too loose so was in danger of doing the same thing again.

So in all what started off as a fairly good day just sort of got worse in the end. Never mind tomorrows another day isn’t it.

See Ya!!

Tuesday, May 16

A Busy News Day!!

Hiya peeps I thought after the deep insight yesterday I might turn my attentions today to a few items of news that have emerged today.

Firstly the case of an Unexploded Bomb floating in the Mersey River. Check it out here. I can’t believe how all the boats etc for all these years have managed to not hit it and set it off. Just imagine 500lb of explosive being set off under one of the regular ferries that are in and out of the estuary every day, it doesn’t bear thinking about does it?? The other point is how many more are there to be discovered all over the place as it seems all too regular that they are being found in all sorts of places.

This is quite interesting too. The good old European Court bless em!! Have decided in favour of this woman in a case she had brought against the NHS to refund payment for treatment she had received PRIVATLY abroad as she could not wait on the list over here. Check it out here. This is going to cause a huge influx of case being brought I think and sets a precedence for future claims too. What I have been thinking is that I will have to check with The Wizard when I see him next week as to how long I should have to wait on the list to see say a chiropodist and then when I find out the time span arrange to go see the World Renown Chiropodist in the Caribbean. I’m sure that’s acceptable and would entitle me to get my money refunded, besides I would be saving the NHS the hassle of having to inflict me upon another member of their gang and risk the chance of me corrupting yet another. The other benefit to me I think too is that it would save on the PUVA too as I could get the rays for free. Mmmmmmm this is beginning to be a very possible solution to my problems!!! I would obviously need to take a team of dedicated Nurses to look after my every need such as going back and fore the bar to get my cocktails and prawns from the Barbi and of course the odd massage etc the only problem is though I cant think of any of them that would really want to give up the Ward or Day Unit for a few months to come out there and slum it with me.

Never mind I’m sure I will think of something if I think about it long enough.

See Ya!!

Monday, May 15

Just A Few Thoughts!!

I’ve been thinking about a few things the last few days not for any particular reason apart from I guess that they have been brought up in the press again.

One of these is euthanasia. I know there are mixed emotions on this subject and to be honest I think there really is no definitive answer. I actually find it quite strange that throughout all my sufferings etc over the last couple of years I never gave it a second thought. There must have been, well I know there were, LOTS OF TIMES when I really did want to give up the fight and if I’m honest at the “Low Times” now these feelings do come and go although I have learnt to somewhat ignore them. What if it were an option put in front of me then?? By whom I don’t know? But feasibly it could have been. In one of my earlier dice’s with death, the drug regime was trying it’s best to zombify me I guess I might have just taken them up on their offer and appearing as if I was, “With It” so to speak it would have gone ahead and you wouldn’t be reading this now. GOD THAT IS SOOOOOOO SCARY!!!! You know you hear from people at times that to give up is often “The Easy Way Out”. I think this is not that accurate myself. Yes maybe physically it could be but I know when these feelings have been pretending to be in washing machine inside my head going round and round AND ROUND!!! The feelings of letting everyone else down and things like leaving my Darling Wife & Daughter to have to cope with the loss let alone all my family and friends, makes me actually quite guilty of even considering it. Does that sound strange to you?? It’s a weird sort of feeling almost like a “How Dare You Even Think Such A Thing”?

This is obviously just my opinion on the subject and to be honest I’m not convinced either way whether it should be available. There are probably some of you out there who may think very strongly either way too and that’s your choice too. I just think that maybe my case just goes to prove that there would need to be very secure safeguards and procedures in place to make absolutely sure that it is in fact the patient’s decision to end their life as sadly you don’t get a second shot at it. As I said in my case the drugs I was taking would certainly have played a factor in my decision.

Phew!!!! That was some heavy stuff today. On a lighter note MY BLOODY SKIN IS STILL KILLING ME!!!!!!!

See Ya!!

Sunday, May 14

Just Chilling!!

It’s been quite a relaxing weekend all in all. Loads of sleep although I must admit that some may be to do with the intake of some alcoholic substances, in moderation you must understand. The weather has been quite nice so I’ve been in and out of the garden which makes a nice change from sitting or rather lounging on the sofa all day. Its amazing how much enjoyment you can get watching a mad cat chasing falling blossom from the trees or a wandering bee or two. She’s already been stung I recon a couple of times but insists on coming back for more.

I went to Tesco’s on Saturday with Judith for the usual weekly workout where yet again I was able to use the one and only Scooter. That makes it 3 weeks in a row now, a record I think for this store. But in saying that we YET AGAIN!! Did not manage to get a Disabled Parking Space which is a bit annoying because as you driving along the 2 rows of available spaces you can see car after car who are not displaying the required badge, most of which I know from experience are not as they say just popping in for a minute, because if you wait for a couple of minutes they still don’t re appear. Jeeez you’d think that seeing as I have only been out of the house for about 2 hours all weekend I wouldn’t have anything to whinge about well I guess you would be wrong.

My chest is, well. As good or bad as the case may be as it has been of late. The constant rattling is still annoying. Up till now the weather has usually played a main factor in this rattling as in if the weather is either on the change between rain and dry or being rainy itself then my chest has played up. The problem at the moment is that it seems to be playing up regardless of the weather, which somewhat put a dampener the idea that it will be a lot easier in the summer I suppose.

I was thinking earlier, wouldn’t it be nice if I could be like a snake. I know many of you are shouting out aloud YOU ALREADY ARE!!! I was thinking more precisely the fact that a snake can shed its skin and how that would help enormously with the tightness problem. I’m gonna try some bleach later on and maybe some paint stripper tomorrow. Well you never know I may just come across the solution to this bloody tightness.

I’ve got a few appointments this week coming including the PUVA and the Dentist although the Wizard will escape my attention my undivided attention for another week yet. All the more time for me to think of tricky questions to stretch his grey matter to extremes.

Okay peep’s I better get back to chilling for a bit, I’ll try and keep you posted, that’s if you got nothing better to do like, cutting your toe nails or plucking your nasal hair etc etc….

See Ya!!

Friday, May 12

Hip, Hip, Hooray!!!

Thank god for that, I actually started the PUVA treatment today after waiting months and months. I actually got there about an hour beforehand because of parking difficulties, after stopping at Tesco’s to get a bite to eat while I waited. When I arrived I thought that maybe I had made a mistake with the appointment as the car park was virtually empty, in fact I was the only disabled badge holder there. On a bit of a tangent, whilst I was at Tesco’s I noticed a young lad going around putting tickets on those using the disabled and mother& toddler bays without authority. Good on them I thought and I told him so when I walked past him on my way into the store.

Right, back to the PUVA. I went in about 5 mins early actually and started by running the bath which took a lifetime. I had to soak in this with some drug added to the water for 15 minutes which I didn’t mind as I do like a good old soak at times. The problem is that it really dries my skin out which in turn makes it unbearably painful. I was not allowed to have any creams etc on when I went into the booth so I will have to wait till afterwards. Right then out I got and set about the mammoth task of drying myself down. Jeeeez that’s hard work. When at home I tend to sort of drip dry as it takes so much out of me but there I need to be in the booth within 5 minutes of getting out of the bath so that was not an option. After putting on one of them daft gowns that you need hands on your back to tie up and a sock to protect the vital bits (my Wallet) ha ha!! I headed off into the booth. The nurse came along and told me what to do which was basically stand in the booth for the allocated time which on this occasion was a staggering, mind blowing 11 seconds. All this hassle for 11 blinking seconds!!!!! I headed off back to the bathroom to start plastering on all the creams etc which wore me out again. This was turning out to be very hard work indeed I just hope it’s all going to be worth it in the end. I headed off back home at breakneck speed so that I could apply the one cream that has some all be it minor effect on the itchiness which they never had at the clinic.

Well all in all it was a lot of hard work and pain but I guess it just has to be done and I will have to live with it. If it works out in the end then I will look back and think this was a walk in the park but if it doesn’t then the park in question would probably be in the middle of Basra with a Sadam Hussein suit on!!! Here’s looking forward to next Wednesday when I get to do it all again, this time straight after a dental appointment too which is another place I really look forward to going to.

See Ya!!

Remember i told you the other day about the rediculous new Disabled Parking Bays at Heath Towers well heres a piccy i took today. Try and picture 2 cars parked in them how the hell can the first one get out??? From the front of the second space to the rear of the first one the space is just 1 metre and that will be depending on the rear vehicle not pulling forward too much. I noticed today also that the Disabled Bays that were there originally have been narrowed to the size of all the other every user space so to speak, thus rendering them useless to any wheelchair user for a start and even i would have trouble getting out if someone was to park on the line as i need to open the door fairly wide.

Rant Over for now. feel free to write to Heath Towers and complain if you see fit not that they give a damn anyway.

See Ya!!

Thursday, May 11

God it’s hard work!!

You know what I just come to the conclusion that I recon it’s actually harder to watch someone doing a particular job than it is if you were to do it yourself. My reasoning for this is that I have spent a large part of today sitting rather comfortably on our sofa, or to be more precise lounging actually, whilst watching Judith slog her guts out jet washing the decking and garden path down along with anything else that was solid enough to withstand the powerful jet. You know what It was really tiring I thought. In fact I was so tired I had to have a little sleep well try to have one at least but for some reason it was a bit noisy, I don’t know why????

I’m thinking of calling in the Grand Snake Charmer to get rid of this bloody rattle snake in my throat. It seems to have set up home permanently in my throat. No matter what I do nothing seems to make a difference. I seem to clear it one minute and no sooner than I do it blinking comes back..

Well the back garden looks absolutely lovely now, in fact it’s quite tempting to get me out there now with the old or should I say the new Laptop for a bit of daytime surfing as long as the sun stays around for a while which now Judith has done all the hard work it will probably rain for 6 months ha ha!! It’s quite relaxing just sitting there watching all the local wildlife frolicking in the daytime blistering sunshine not least of all one of the neighbours cats who will keep up the fly and wasp stalking all day long. He hid away mind you today when the sound of the Jet Wash filled the air, I don’t blame him you as I saw what a drowned mess it made of Judith never mind a poor old defenceless cat.

In seriousness though, it’s times like this that just seem to emphasise how useless I feel at times. It seems to be more so in jobs around the house that I have done and maybe enjoyed in the past such as the Jet Washing which is quite therapeutic actually as you can get almost instant results etc… I’m just having to sit here and watch someone else doing it in my place when I just mentally want to go and grab it out of her hand and do it myself but also knowing that that is just impossible in my condition.

I don’t know why I’m still having these same old feelings after all this time now??? Maybe this will always be the way??? You would have thought maybe that by now I would have dealt with these problems/issue’s etc… well do you ever, I don’t know??? I blinking hope so as these feelings are quite negative really although as you know I do try to be positive. You know I quite often think to myself that I’m too young to be having these feelings, but then is there such an age that it would be acceptable?? I guess there isn’t?? I suppose one of the most HARD TO DEAL WITH THINGS!!! Is really the Not Knowing. I suppose to those of you that are not going through this yourself personally it may be a bit difficult to comprehend but, the fact that in REAL LIFE, so to speak!! You really don’t give the future a second thought for example say you decide that you have always wanted for years to go on a cruise to say the Bahamas, well you start to plan it for years and start saving for maybe a year or three well try and imagine not being able to plan for anything say further than a month in advance. I think everyone needs to have some sort of goal in the future and in the near future too just as a sort of self motivation mechanism but when the future or should I say long term goal is unavailable to you it can become hard to keep striving on.

Ohhhh dearrrrr I don’t want to sound too negative you know as it’s not a major burning issue at the moment although it has been at times in the past I must admit, but just maybe a little insight into this rather demented brain (Loosely Speaking) of mine at the moment.

Okay I better try and get some sleep in preparation for the PUVA tomorrow.

See Ya!!

Wednesday, May 10

What a nice day!!

It’s been a gorgeous day today. The sun has been all day and it’s been so warm too which makes a difference. After a bit of lung punishment, I mean shopping first thing I spent the afternoon sat out on deck watching the neighbour’s cat chasing flies around. You ought to try it I found it very therapeutic and relaxing. I guessed that a bit of sun might help with the skin too and the advantage is that at the moment the pollen count would be extremely low too so not much chance of hay fever yet.

I wish I could shift this blinking rattle in my throat too. No matter what I do it just seems to stay there. I’ve been doing the regular breathing exercises which haven’t helped much and for once I am actually taking ALL of the medications that I should be too.

In some ways the rattling is a minor problem compared to the skin tightness and itchiness. I REALLY AM SUFFERING!!! At the moment. Despite the almost continuous application of various creams and taking the right drugs there seems to be no relief that is apart from the odd glass of fall over liquid which is not the real answer. I’m thinking of maybe trying an acid bath as I recon that might help a bit, what do I have to loose I’m thinking??? My skin is so tight most of the times now that I can’t actually stand up straight. The straighter I get the more painful it becomes until it’s a case of straighten any more and I will pass out with the pain. It actually looks like I have a spinal curvature problem at times. Sometimes I nearly get there after a good dolloping and soaking of whatever moisturiser is to hand, currently I think I’m on a mixture of Nivea and L’Oreal. Only the finest for this Heavenly Body!!!

I was surfing around a bit today too and I came across this interesting FREE service for Women Cancer Patients. Check it out HERE. It’s a great idea to give Cancer patients a chance to get pampered and spoilt and I guess acknowledgement that they are still attractive and pretty and I guess Female even though they are loosing their hair and weight etc etc. I’m only guessing mind you as although I now have my sister’s Bone Marrow I don’t have many female thoughts MUCH HA HA HA!!!!!! In fact I’m quite jealous really as there is not the same thing for the men although there is a link to their Male Orientated site which is full of some useful information. Ms Pitstop if you’re reading this, this is the sort of thing that I was thinking about as far as advice for new patients etc is concerned along with the emotional stuff etc. There appears to be sessions run monthly at the main Cancer treating hospital Velindre in Cardiff but I don’t see why patients from around couldn’t go there or even arranging for a regular session to be held at Heath Towers maybe?? You can count me in for a good old pampering session. I can’t wait to try on the latest Lippy and stuff as I like to keep up with the latest trends you know me!!!

Right I’m off to watch my weekly cookery lesson The Hairy Bikers’ Cook Book.

See Ya!!

Tuesday, May 9

Ready, Steady, No Go!!

Up bright and early today for my trip into Heath Towers for the start of the PUVA treatment. I’ve been waiting as you know an absolute lifetime for this to start. I arrived about ½ hour before my appointment time as the parking there is a nightmare. Well to my surprise they have actually made a further must be around 25 spaces available including 2 Disabled Bays which you might think I would be over the moon about but to be perfectly honest I’M NOT!! The reason being that whoever had designed these must really be stupid as they are painted up in such a way that they are one behind the other. What I mean is if someone parks in the first one then someone else comes along and parks in the other space, the first car would have great difficulty getting out if not nigh on impossible. As I was sat there who should decide to be walking around checking the new part of the car park, but the man who was responsible for actually allocating the area and the man who is responsible for the monitoring of the spaces with the plans in their hands too. Well I’m not one to pass up a prime opportunity like that and decided to have a word about it. To my surprise when I pointed out pretty major fault they were like dumb struck and took a lifetime to see my point. When the penny finally dropped they scratched their heads and said we shall have to do something about that I think, Well YES!!!! I thought to myself, jeeeeez where do they find these people????

Right onto the PUVA. I sat waiting in the waiting room and bang on time the sister came to take me through. She set about explaining all the ins and outs of the treatment such as the various methods they use etc… Apparently there are 2 methods of giving you the required photosensitive drug needed to be taken before each treatment. Either via tablet for which needs to be taken 2 hours before and surprise surprise causes nausea in a lot of people, and the other way is a 15 minute soak in a warm bath with the drug added to the water just before having the treatment which would need to be taken there. For some reason Dr Finlay had me down to take the tablet form. When she asked which I would prefer I thought to myself, lets see, Throwing Up or a nice Soak In A Bath For 15 mins???? No bloody competition Throwing Up Wins hands down NOT!!!! She had to go and get the Registrar’s approval and left me alone for a minute. She returned and said that the doctors thought the bath solution would be okay. Right she asked if I would like to get started today then, well of course I blinking would what a stupid question!!! She started to run the bath for me and we were chatting away and all of a sudden all these bits started to appear on the top of the water. There were only a few to start with but as it was going on there were more and more appearing. It appears they were coming from the water. Apparently they are doing a lot of building work upstairs which might be the cause. We decided that as we were not quite sure what the stuff was that it was not too safe or hygienic to have the bath so therefore I NEVER GOT TO START AFTER ALL!!! I’ve got to go back on Friday when hopefully they will have sorted it by then.

My blinking skin is really painful today and my chest is quite wheezy too so I’m not having a very good day all in all. I think that maybe the immunosuppressant that I was on prior to going into hospital must have been having some effect after all as they had stopped them whilst I was in there and don’t plan on restarting them for another 2 weeks and my skin has become worse again. I just hope that this time will soon fly and I’ll get back on them. As far as my chest is concerned I think it’s just down to the change in weather mainly as rain one minute and sun the next doesn’t help at all. It’s quite annoying though as I’ve got this bloody annoying rattle constantly in the back of my throat which won’t clear at all so instead of just sounding like a normal breath I constantly sound like I’m snoring when I’m wide awake or asleep, yeah that’s a blinking laugh SLEEP, I got no chance of that in this state. I’ll be lucky to get ½ hour.

I guess its time again to get plastering on the moisturiser all over again. You won’t believe how hard and painful and blinking tiring it is to just do that fairly simple task. I guess it takes me a good 30 – 40 minutes. I have to do it in small areas at a time as I really get out of breath quickly. GOD WHAT AM I LIKE?? A BLINKING MAN OF 80 YRS OF AGE I RECON.

See Ya!!

Monday, May 8

Nice To Be Back!!

I headed off to Heath Towers this morning looking forward to seeing all the lovely nurses and doctors at the Day Unit. It seems like a lifetime since I was there last as I missed them all. They seem to have this way of making you feel really welcome and sort of special. I don’t think the threat to plaster their names all over this blog if they do any wrong has anything to do with the friendly behaviour do you?? I had a rather interesting conversation with Penelope Pitstop whilst I was there too. We had been talking a while back about the possibility of a sort of ward based councillor, someone who could sort of deal with peoples emotional needs and actually tell you things about the treatments and different diseases etc in plain English not Doctor language which at times can be very hard to understand. Well they have decided to fund the position at least on a secondment basis for 6 months initially and hopefully then it will become a permanent position. I think this will make such a difference to peoples lives as the sort of things I had to struggle to find out etc will hopefully be available from this person which all goes to make this whole thing so much easier and less frightening too and sort of lets you get on with using up that energy to fight this thing. I’m so pleased to see this action being taken and like to think that by bringing up the subject a few times has enabled this to happen also the thought that others will not have to go through what I had too is such a blessing too.

Right on to the rest of the day!! Well Non (Rhiannon) did a splendid job of sucking me dry of my valuable Blood although my vein decided it didn’t want to stop bleeding so had to sit for a while holding the gauze on it to stop me gushing al over the place. Well waiting for Merlin was beginning to hurt my bum. Ahhh there he is !! Only half an hour late for a change!! But in saying that he wasted no time in calling me in straight away. We decided to get the important stuff out of the way first like, holidaying in the Caribbean and the ins and outs of digital USB cards for his laptop and lack of computer stores in Cardiff town centre. With that out of the way we got onto the more boring stuff like trying to keep me alive and out of hospital. He was well impressed with my kidney and liver function results as well as all my blood results were all perfectly normal, which is a real bonus, because I was thinking that they might still be a bit off colour still from the last visit. I’m not complaining mind you and made a sharp exit just in case they had mixed up my results with someone else’s ha ha ha!! I started off on my long trek back to the car. You don’t quite realise who handy these strategically placed chairs in the corridors are until you need them like I did today. I made the trip back to the car in I think it was 5 stages with 5 breath breaks in between, at least I made it I guess and probably in the same amount of time it would have taken to wait for the porters to get me there too. What made my day was passing all the cars that had been booked for parking in the disabled bays when they were not entitled too or not displaying a ticket HA HA HA!!! Nothing to do with the ranting phone call I made to the Parking Control Office when I got there after having to wait for about half an hour to get a space. Serves em right I say!!!!

It’s been along day in all today although a good day I recon. I’ve come home in a more positive frame of mind than when I got up this morning which can only be a good thing. Looking forward to starting the PUVA tomorrow even if I get a free tan out of it I’ll be grateful that is if I ever get parked first of all and then if they actually get to see me after last week episode!!!

See Ya!!

Sunday, May 7

Looking Forward!!

You’ll have to forgive me because the one or two drinky poo’s last night ended up in, well lets just say a few more than that and I feel a bit off colour today. It was all purely for medicinal reasons you know as I’m sure any good Wizard will tell you.

Have any of you that watch what is supposed to be quality productions that our extortionate license fee goes towards, on the goggle box, on BBC and noticed this annoying blinking advert that features a really annoying cartoon called Digit – Al. It’s advertising the fact that from between 2008 and 2010 all of our TV’s will have to be digital ready. God I don’t know why but the bloody advert really winds me up and the thought of having to see this irritating Digit-Al on my screen for the next 4 years makes me give up all hope, maybe I can ask the Wizard tomorrow for some more knock out drops just to see me through the next four years that’s all!!

I’ve spent most of the day watching the next door neighbour’s cats chasing each other and anything else that moves around our back garden, in fact it’s been quite therapeutic and relaxing just what was needed really.

Apart from the obvious drink related disabilities today I wouldn’t feel too bad. My chest is not too bad as in I can actually breathe and my skin is not as itchy and tight but in saying that I haven’t really moved from the comfort of the sofa today apart from around 15 mins or so when I decided to venture out the garden to sit on the bench in the sunshine. As per usual I went out and the sun went in Grrrrrrr!!!!!

I’ve been reading and getting some inspiration lately from a couple of blogs I stumbled across recently. The first one is a guy called Peter who has commented on here occasionally as you may have seen. He like myself is a Cancer sufferer. It often seems like dejavu when I read some of his posts as he seems to have gone through a great deal of the same treatments and pains as myself, unlucky sod ha ha!! The second one is a guy called Cass. I’ve been reading his for a while now and always brings a smile to my face. I have got a lot of inspiration from reading his posts and to be honest he’s as mad as me I recon so I have been wrong all along there is another Cancer Nutter Blogger after all!!! Check them out. I’ve put links to them under the links on the right its Peter’s Hospital Diary and Cancergiggles. You’ll have lots of fun I’m sure.

For some reason my appetite seems to be coming back this last few days not that I have changed anything. Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining as I still have them steaks to get through. At this rate I may well venture to try one by the end of the week who knows, I’ll keep you posted with all the juicy details.

I’m off to fill my stomach for the 4th time today.

See Ya!!

Saturday, May 6

Spend, Spend, Spend!!!

Hiya. I’ve been out on my travels with Judith today trying my best to make a whole in this insurance money ha ha ha!! To be honest with you I wasn’t quite up to it as I didn’t have a great night, tossing and turning and probably slept about 2 hours in all and Judith was about the same, but she seems to be able to function fully with just a few hours sleep which makes me mad Grrrrrr!!!!

I really didn’t feel like shopping today which is not like me at all. It not so much the mundane shopping I like such as food and stuff but the sort of things that for some reason when you have a bit of spare cash in your pocket suddenly you really NEED these things. I’ve sort of mentally set aside a bit of it for kitchen things like a good strong Skillet (for my T-Bone Steaks) and a new set of knives and maybe a saucepan or two plus a load of new utensils. We headed of to this large out of town Designer Outlet place Macarthur Glen near us as I like to at least think I have got a bargain even if I have fallen for some sales spiel!! They have more clothes stores than anything but they do have a couple of kitchenware type shops too. Poor old Judith had the unenviable task of pushing me around in my wheelchair as there was no way my legs were going to even make it to the pavement never mind walk around shopping. After the odd browse through a couple of clothes shops we made it to the first kitchenware shop. The trend I find in all the shops is to cram as much in the space available as possible bugger anyone in a wheelchair or even still anyone with a pushchair, so even the shops that I could manage to get through the door in the first place when inside Judith had to use all her valuable steering skills to not end up smashing up all the displays etc. We bought a few bits and pieces and went for a bite to eat. Check this out right!!!!!!! We bought 2 sandwiches and 2 coffees’s nearly a bloody tenner. Next door McDonalds we could have both had a meal and drink for half the price, no wonder McDonalds were 20 times busier. And they wonder why there is such an obesity problem these days!!!! God I feel a Victor Meldrew moment coming on look out!!!! We headed back to the car only so we could go to my favourite Favourite shop TESCO’S!!! just for a few odds and ends etc. I have to say that the last twice we went to Tesco’s I actually managed to get the one and only scooter and was in luck again today too. We did a bit of food shopping and ended up going upstairs and buying a few items of clothes for me too which makes a change as I usually end up looking but always say no to buying but I thought what the hell hey!!!

By the end of it I was ready to die. I ached from head to toe and just wanted to sleep. My lungs were trying there damn hardest to pump enough oxygen around my body to keep me going too, poor things!! I think all in all I probably pushed it a bit too much today as usual but progress is what it is all about isn’t it?? I think I might just chill out and relax tonight with a glass or two, sort of like a well done for making it through today without collapsing with exhaustion.

My taste buds have somewhat started to come back too only in the fact that I actually had something other than pasties to eat today, I managed a sandwich and some Chinese nibbles this evening too, who knows maybe them Steaks wont be staying in the freezer too much longer????

See Ya!!

Thursday, May 4

Been better!!

Hiya, I’m not quite feeling too well at the moment. It’s hard to put a finger on it but I just don’t feel right if you know what I mean. The feeling of acid heartburn seems to have all but gone thankfully. My appetite is slowly getting better all be it I seem to have acquired a craving for pasties of all things. Well at least if I choose the Cornish variety at least I can get some vegetables in my diet ha ha ha!!! I still seem to be quite tired. I have upped my intake of potassium to what I was on in hospital as in 4 times a day as I know in the past this has caused quite severe tiredness and seeing as my diet is obviously not giving me the required vitamins and minerals this hopefully will make a difference. I tried to actually get out of the house for the first time in a few days today, only a trip into the local village for a couple of pasties from the bakery. Nothing strenuous just a walk from house to car of 50 yards or so then a short 5 min drive to the village a walk from pavement to shop about 2 yards and then the same to go home. Well what a mess. I started off with the walk to the car, where I had to stop half way for a breather and when I finally got to the car had to sit and get my breath back for 5 mins before it was safe to drive off. Just the short walk into the bakery I found really hard work and very tiring. The walk back to the house was again hard work which I must admit I made harder than it should have been as stupidly I decided to make myself walk all the way back to the house without stopping this time, thus by the time I got to the house I really was a mess and had to sit on the stairs to attempt to get my breath back for some time before I was fit enough to do anything. I know I’m my own worst enemy in that I always want to push that little bit more but my attitude is if you don’t push then you wont progress, although I guess I don’t quite know when enough is enough, I’m just thinking that I will I guess when my body starts to complain quite loudly which it has in the past. This latest visit courtesy of Heath Towers has really taken it out of me and to be honest I think has left me physically etc at a level I guess I haven’t been at since way before my transplant and that was over 18 months ago now, jeeeez was it really that long ago seems like it was only 6 months or so ago at times. I know what your thinking, that I’ve been through a lot this time and its bound to take some time to regain some strength and fitness and life for that matter but, why should I have to wait??? Why can’t I have my life back NOW??? Why do I feel so bloody tired and useless?? You know all the negative things that all seem to rise to the surface whenever you feel a bit low?? I also know that tomorrow is another day and probably will be a bit better than today if only in a small way but still slowly but surely I will get better I know.

Enough of this self destructing negativity crap I know it gets me nowhere only deeper and deeper into the doldrums.

I did have some good news today so it is not all doom and gloom. For about 2 ½ years now we have been fighting with one of the Insurances we had taken out prior to my diagnosis on a loan we had taken out for some home improvements. They have kept on saying that it is a technicality of the wording of there policy document that I was not entitled to claim on the terminal illness part. It’s all been down the probability of my life expectation and despite numerous letters back and fore the Wizard amongst others they have continually said no. I decided about 2 months ago to give up and actually cancel the policy and stopped the standing order. They have written a few times saying that we need to put it in writing that we wish to cancel the policy. Well as you know I’ve been somewhat tied up recently so never gave it much thought to be honest. When someone rang from the insurance company this morning and started explaining that we owe them £15 or so I was about to give her a mouthful about having more important things to worry about like trying to stay alive, I thought no wait and let her finish. WELL BUGGER ME!!!! She went on to say that they have re looked at the case as a whole and are know in a position to pay out the claim HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Good job I never did write that letter wasn’t it???

Its come at a good time really too as we’ve been considering trying to purchase a new bed one of them electronically operated ones as they really do make a difference when trying to sleep but there is no way till now that we would be able to pay around £1700 or so for one, until now that is!!!

I’m off to see what else I could do with as I hate to have money hanging around when it needs to be spent.

See Ya!!