Well, after all the hype, that’s it for another year then. I mean “The Big C” and not Cancer either!!! You know, the day when the strange man in a red outfit and a white beard flies ably assisted by a group of reindeer around the world bringing billions of pounds of, to be honest, un needed presents to one and all. I often think, what would happen if say everyone in the world for just one year didn’t spend their money on all this stuff. But donated the equivalent to last years spend into a large pot to be distributed equally to all countries around the world. I suppose I wouldn’t put “Fairpak” in control of distribution mind you. I feel sorry for all those that were stitched up by them as we for many a year used them when times were a lot harder to save up towards the extortionate expense at this time of the year. It will hit hard yet again at the most venerable and needy people in society. I would think the outcome of this non present buying experiment would quite probably wipe out world poverty and debt payments. It must run into billions world wide??? I, sadly, although some may disagree, live in “The Real World”, well “My Real World” anyhow, and know this will never happen and also that even if I made a token gesture of donating my money next year, it wouldn’t make much of an impact at all. What difference would £2.68 make really to tackling world poverty??

Right then the day itself….

Well after what probably turned out to be around 10 hours of food prep and cooking, 5 of which was just for the 5 bird roast which simply refused to cook through any quicker, bloody stubborn bugger!! I was what would medically be described as “Absolutely Bloody Knackered” or words to that effect anyhow. I still find it amazing how cooking can be so tiring. I accept the walking back and fore to the kitchen would play a part in this but even when I’m just sat there doing whatever I get really worn out quickly. As per usual over indulgence was the order of the day, well it is only one day of the year after all, well one day that I have a good excuse to over indulge anyway. I blame a lot of it on the new plates we bought just in time as they are smaller than the older ones and therefore it looks like there is more on the plate than before. The highlight of the lunch was sitting down afterwards, pleasantly stuffed and trying to do my impression of a heavily pregnant woman, with huge success too. Then there’s the standing to attention whilst the dear old monarch of the land bestows her thoughts on us mere mortals although I must apologise to Her Maj as I only managed to stand for about 20 seconds. I don’t think she spotted me though as my slender figure was obscured by a strategically placed Microphone Stand!! I did however find her speech a little confusing as I couldn’t, and still don’t quite see what the massage actually is?? I will have to listen to it again I guess a few more times to understand it.

Then it was off to Mummy Dearest’ to inflict myself of them for the rest of the day. All the rest of the family were gathered up there for lunch and lets just say by the time I got there copious amounts of fire water had been consumed. I think you would have all been proud of my Oscar Winning performance trying to get from the car up the steps and into the house. My brother ably assisted by acting a sort of human walking stick to lean on, on the treacherous journey. Well after what seemed like ages and ages although it was more likely to be around 10 footsteps I had to stop and sit down and subsequently set about scaring the hell out of the crowd that had gathered now to witness this “Great Event”. I was, to put it mildly, struggling for breathe and quite probably on the verge of turning blue, or at least an interesting shade of purple anyhow, and still had the steps to conquer. I don’t know who looked so worried out of them all. I did take it really easy too, I don’t know what I would have been like if I really pushed it?? well after taking on the steps a few at the time, a bit like making it to base camp ,then camp 1, camp 2 etc I finally made it to the safety of the nearest armchair and quite simply collapsed into it in a sort of blubbering heap of breathlessness. After the obligatory wait of about 2 or 3 minutes or so I was able to finally make some sort of verbal interaction with every, much to their pleasure, although I suppose later on they were beginning to wish to return to that state!!! And the look of relief on their faces said it all as I don’t think they fancied having to give me the kiss of life at all!! It was nice to meet up with them all at the same time and have a good old natter although I would have been the icing on the cake if Judith & Tara and Daniel and Emily ( Adrian, my brother’) children, had managed to come too. Never mind there’s always next year. Dad was in his element and trying, mostly successfully to wind Ruth up. She, even after all these years still bites, it’s quite funny!!! I did another of my party tricks too, spilling coffee all over the floor and not just once either I went back later for a repeat performance. I must add though that I was ably assisted by my Dad the first time although the second performance was all my own work, and not a drop of alcohol had passed my lips too which is good going for me. Well eventually after being fed and watered it was time for the repeat showing of “Walking Like The Living Dead”, the journey back to the chariot. Surprisingly Adrian stepped up to help again, I thought I had scared him enough the first time round. Dad lit the way with a torch that was throwing out a beam of light stronger than the Spotlights in Colditz. I didn’t quite get into the same state on the return trip as I find it a lot easier to walk down stairs than up them although I did manage to stop a few times and was in a bit of a state when I made it to the car, but thankfully that eased after a while when I warmed up a bit and got some oxygen in my lungs. I sand along to “Coronal Bogey” and other great military marches all the way home on full blast, much to the amusement of people that I pulled up next to at traffic lights etc ha ha ha!! Ahhhh the comfort of the old trusty armchair again and the warm welcome from the Harvey’s Bristol Cream was nice too, and the house to myself as the others were out. After ringing Mother to let her know I had managed to get home unscathed I settled into some catching up, well everyone else had been at it since early this morning and it was now 10pm and not a drop had passed my lips Honest Occifer!!! Hick Hick!!

Well as you can see by the time that I posted this I haven’t managed much sleep again. I had probably about 1 and a half hours then up, wide awake as usual. Ah well I’ll have to try again later to have a little snooze, meanwhile a little Pre-Sale surfing wouldn’t go a miss. Well I wouldn’t want to miss out on all the bargains would I??

Merry Whatsit to one and all!!

See Ya!!