Sadly I didn’t manage to get to the Relaxation class this morning as when I woke up I felt dreadful actually. Extremely nauseas and even after taking the anti sickness pills I didn’t feel much better so decided not to risk making a mess of the car on the way and instead put my feet up and chill out for the day.

The last few day I have been watching a few programmes, well not quite programmes as such, more like advertisements on one of the many hundreds of shopping channels. Now I know before you all start on about how sad I must be watching such drivel, I strongly believe that these types of programme are great if you want a bit of cheering up as most if not all of them are so unbelievable and the presenters are so committed to them it is hysterical. More specifically I have been watching programmes selling learn at home study courses in things like “Making your first Million pound”, or “The secrets of psychology”, you know the type of thing, all aimed at getting rich quick. There was this rather interesting sales pitch from I think his name was Bill Procter who was trying to sell you one of his programmes on some way or other to make money and he kept repeating this same thing over and over again about the fact that we all make choices in life which as a consequence of this decision the path we then follow is determined. Well this is not that strange an observation until you get into it as deep and as literal as he was saying. Even things like we choose each week, if we are lucky to be in employment that is, to accept our pay packet as being enough. We choose to pay the prices supermarkets ask for their goods. I know this may not be so thought provoking in itself as our answer would be, if we didn’t like it we would shop elsewhere. Okay think about this, what if we wanted to buy something from shop A but pay the lesser price that shop B is charging, how could we do it and in fact even why would we want to do it? Well, why is pretty obvious isn’t it, but how somehow appear completely alien to us.

Do you know that feeling, when you wish you had written down what you were thinking at the time as you will never remember it later, well I am feeling that now. When I started out on this posting I knew exactly what I was going to say and it all made sense, but now I come to write it I cant blinking remember what I was thinking and as a result I have my first experience of writers block I guess. Ah well shame not to post it as I’ve spent a while on writing it and besides I could always update it at a future time when I remember, if I remember.

The one point I will make, that I can remember is that I did not part with any of my hard earned cash on any of these courses, instead I did a bit of searching and managed to find most of it Online and FREE!!!! I do love a good bargain!!

See Ya!!

I don’t know about you but I have been keeping an eye on the unravelling news story regarding Adoption, more so the Catholics approach to it. Is it just me that finds their trying to gain exemption from allowing Gay couples/singles to adopt children completely Discriminate? It would be all the same if they decided to not allow Disabled People for example, there would be widespread condemnation. What gives them the right to even attempt to try and do this? What makes me laugh more than the story itself is the fact that the government has decided to wimp out and actually give them 21 months immunity to so called “Adapt to the situation”, YOU WHAT!!!! That’s like saying, you are allowed to discriminate for now and we will turn a blind eye to it and more probably in 20 months when the story is “Old News”, they will just continue on as they have been for the 21 months. Surely what the Catholic Church are attempting to do is wrong isn’t it in the day and age?? I mean 21 months for what?? It’s not as if they have to make any major changes to their structure or staffing or anything other than their Prehistoric Views. I think the line has to be drawn somewhere otherwise we are getting into the realms of completely over the top political correctness but where they are trying to draw it is no where near the mark. Why doesn’t the government have the guts to stand up for what is right? What is quite frightening is that the outcome of this situation has somewhat set a precedence so that maybe some other group etc decides that they don’t want to offer there service etc to Disabled people or single parents etc etc. A huge backwards step undoing all the progress made over the last few years.

Ah well that’s that rant over with, for now anyway. I’ve been out into Cardiff for a bit of retail therapy today. I had a couple of vouchers for Christmas that I thought I would try and make use of whilst the sales are still on. Well, more kitchen gadgets to fill the already bulging cupboards with. I do need them all though, although I think Judith and Tara would tell you different. I love the indoor market in Cardiff, and always try and go there for my favourite marinated meats etc they are absolutely gorgeous. I bought an Oxtail while I was there too so hopefully I will make a nice stem in the next couple of days. I’ve never actually cooked an Oxtail before so that will be a first. I must say too that we met two wonderful Traffic Wardens who were extremely helpful and even allowed us to park on double yellow lines right in the middle of the town centre as long as we were back within 2 hours, which was great. See they can be nice and they’re not all like the mini Hitler’s I had to deal with all those times I used to deliver around there.

I’ve been having major c—p with my eyes recently. I think one of the medications I am taking has been causing Dry Eyes. I have been using this false tears stuff which up till recently has been working fine providing I put it in fairly regularly however this last few days it hasn’t been doing anything at all. They are really quite sore at times and find that about the only way to get some sort of relief is close my eyes which is not a good idea whilst I’m driving though!! My chest though thankfully is currently behaving itself although I am still wheezy during the day now and then. I’m off to George Thomas Hospice tomorrow for my first Relaxation class which I’m looking forward to. I’m hoping that it will teach me how to relax better at home and maybe get a better sleep.

Right I’m off to see what else the government are wimping out of!!

See Ya!!

I have just been catching up on fellow Blogger Peter as he has been hiding away in Southampton Hospital for about 10 days or so. He’d managed to get himself in a rather dehydrated state and as his counts were so low was a bit of a sitting duck for any nasties floating around the place. After he had been released he attended Guys for his usual chat and treatments etc only to be told, I guess probably the one thing that everyone facing such an illness / disease dreads deep down. They have decided that in their opinion any further treatments would be futile and of no use and that all they can offer from now is palliative care. He and his family must obviously be devastated, I know I would be, and they will of course need to summon up any little glimmer of strength to fight this thing. It does go to show how fragile our existence on this planet is. My heartfelt thoughts go out to them all. Peter has been an inspiration to me for some time now and I have considered myself lucky to know such a wonderful man. His courage knows no end and I know that he will endeavour to fight to the very end as he always says, ”Onwards & Upwards”

I guess it’s at times like this that I reflect on the journey I have made so far in my short life. Not just the last few years since the diagnosis but from birth or more likely from my teens as I’m not sure about you but I don’t remember a whole lot of detail about things like my 1st birthday party etc etc. I suppose I could explain the path I have taken as windy and rocky, probably no more so than the next person, well maybe not????? At the end of the day it is all of these life experiences that go to make up the person you are today. I tend to try and search deep down inside myself for all the strength to continue on with the fight. A little self analysis can be good for you I find although a lot may well not be, especially with some of the stuff flying around in my head at times which is not safe for public release.

If you’ve a spare minute please pop onto his blog and send him your thoughts and support as I am sure it will be appreciated.

See Ya!!

“ Hey, do you want to buy a bike”? Have you seen the news coverage from Devon where the cargo ship has come aground? It’s like watching a load of vultures picking over a corpse. There’s all sorts being taken away from the beaches after being washed ashore including 20 BMW motorbikes, Empty Oak Barrels and Hundreds of packs of Nappies. The law as far as I believe is pretty grey in this area and besides how are they going to go about identifying people who have taken these things, apart from the owners of the Motorbikes I guess who will have to register them with the chassis numbers I suppose which will be traceable. The sad thing about this though is that where some of these people are forcing open some of the containers washed ashore only to find the goods inside are useless to anyone they are then leaving them open so that when the tide comes in the stuff inside them is being washed back out to sea causing more needless pollution to add to the oil and diesel etc already causing serious damage.

I’ve had a completely chill out day today, in fact I didn’t even wake up till about 3pm, I know I’m a lazy sod, but I didn’t get to sleep till about 6 o’clock this morning though so I do have an excuse. It was not through the want of trying as I was really tired from around 10pm but for one reason or another my brain wouldn’t go into Hibernate mode so that I could get some sleep. I can’t even blame it on my chest this time although it was playing up all day as usual but by the evening had settled down a lot. A few times during the night it started to get a little wheezy but nothing too much and in normal circumstances I probably would have slept through it.

It a bit of a relief to have the Pic-line out at last as it was starting to hurt a little. It has in fact left me with this little patch on my arm that is quite sore to touch and bright red. It is easing though as time goes on so I am not too worried about it. The Pic-lines are a wonderful thing although they have a tendency to be annoying and uncomfortable at times mainly due to where they have be placed, right in the crook of your elbow, so that each time you bend your arm it can cause problems like getting stuck and pulling out etc as well as the fact that I, like most people sweat in that area and it ends up making a right mess under the dressing before finally causing the dressing to come off all together.

I’m off for some Reflexology tomorrow which I always enjoy. I still find it quite fascinating that manipulating some ones feet can be good for all sorts of things. I do find it extremely relaxing too and always come away feeling like I could just sleep for a week. I guess some of it could be down to the fact that your feet are probably the most over worked part of your anatomy on the other hand they are also the most ignored part when it comes to pampering which doesn’t make sense really.


See Ya!!

Well the Military have finally decided where the new Tri-Service training Academy will be built and its coming here to St Athan where I live in the 3rd pothole from the left 50 metres up the runway. As per usual the English were straight on their soap boxes screaming foul play as they always do if Wales ever win any big contracts instead of them. It will obviously mean a lot of inconveniences during the building work as well as afterwards when they are expecting around 10,000 personnel to be on site. They are expecting around 5,000 jobs and also putting £16 Billion into the local community which seeing as the Vale Council are so much in the Do Do at the moment will no doubt come as a blessing. The overwhelming deciding factor in the Metrix, St Athan bid was the fact that it would all be done on one site therefore cutting down costs overall. I don’t believe that there is nowhere in England where this could be done also yet none of the bids submitted took this into account. It has a long way to go and in fact they are not expecting it to be fully functional till around 2017 so I will just have to wait for my slap up meal in the restraints their planning or watching a movie in the cinema or even, heaven forbid, have a jog around the Olympic size track or a swim in the pool either, all of which are planned to be built as part of the Academy and it appears that these things will be “outside the wire” as they call it which means accessible to non-service personnel.

Okay then on to more gory stuff. For some blinking reason this last, well about 5 days or so, I just haven’t felt myself. Now I know you can apparently go blind from doing things like that but still… Seriously, it’s been quite strange. I have lost and regained then lost again my appetite, I don’t seem to have a great deal of energy and in spite of this though I haven’t been sleeping too well. My chest has been playing me up a little too. Quite wheezy at times and I had this annoying tickly cough which I just couldn’t get rid of. In fact it has nearly made my sick through coughing so much at times. I have felt really warm although my temp has not gone over 37 degrees and my poor old thermometer has had a right bashing as I have been checking it every other hour or so. Do you know that feeling when you just can’t be bothered to do anything at all, well it’s like that at the moment. So much so, that I would just sit here and be spoon fed and get whoever had drawn the short straw probably Judith to lift the drink to my lips too as even that is an effort at the moment. I’m hoping that the dose of “The Good Stuff” Immunoglobulins, I’m getting this afternoon will make a bit of a difference, it does sometimes.

I managed to get for a little while yesterday. Jude took me into Llantwit Major just for a few odds and ends. We saw lots of odds but no ends though!!!! I had my first attempted freefall out of the Scooter whilst we were there. I was trying to get from the road onto the pavement at a section where there were these sloping bricks. Well silly bugger went up side ways sort of instead of straight and as a result started to tip and make a b-line for freedom out of the side of the Scooter. Luckily Judith was walking right alongside me otherwise it would not have been a pretty sight indeed. She managed to stop me mid flight so to speak thankfully. I took every little bump with caution from then on I can assure you.

Okay then I had better make a run for it as I have to go and have my “Good Stuff” at Heath Towers. Should be fun, will take around 3 hours sat there on a drip then they have to take out my Pic-Line too which should be quick though.

See Ya!!

Well after a few quiet days of doing nothing much at all, apart from waiting to see if this recent spell of generally feeling unwell, or at least not quite right, I was quite amused by a reply to a blog entry I did way back in March 2006. Although factually completely inaccurate it brought a smile to my face anyhow. It goes to prove that whoever it was that wrote it had not even spent the time to read other entries to get the full picture and besides that they didn’t have the decency to put their name to this glorious piece of trash and signed in as anonymous. You can read it HERE!! And make up your own mind.

Ah well lets get back to reality. After a visit to see Merlin things are still going ahead in the Light Treatment front. He has been asked to put forward a business plan now to weigh up the costs of them purchasing their own machine and also one for sending me to Birmingham. I know it’s not starting right now but I have to look at it that it is at least moving in the right direction. The physio has sadly come to a stop now too as it is only meant to be provided for 6 weeks and I did manage to get 8 out of them I didn’t do badly. It’s down to me now to try and continue to complete the exercises regularly to keep the momentum going. A lot is also down to the weather as I have said before as I am unable to get out for a try at walking unless it’s at least dry and not too cold.

This strange feeling I have been having these last few days is a little annoying. I have almost completely gone off my food and am feeling quite tired a lot of the time although some may be due to the lack of food I guess. My chest hasn’t been wheezy as such just a lot tighter making breathing a little harder. I have also found that even doing something like dressing which I was managing without too much breathlessness recently I have really struggled with this last few days as it has made me so short of breath. There didn’t appear to be anything in the blood results on Tuesday so that jus adds to the mystery. My temperature which is a sure fire way of pre warning of any impending nasties invading has been a steady 36.8 perfectly normal. I’ll just have to get out my inhalers and try and make a difference and maybe take a multi vitamin tablet and possibly some potassium too as that seems to go down easy with me when I am not eating anyhow and low levels do make me tired a lot.

I’m hoping to be a little better next week as I want to try and get out a bit more, well I have to at least 3 days I think it is for various hospital stuff but I want to go spending some cash in Cardiff, Oooooopsss I know I should be feeding my family first, I am a naughty boy!!!!! Hell I don’t care I want to finish off the rest of my redundancy pay from November 2006 when I was made redundant. T-Bone Steaks all round then!!!! Maybe a Pheasant or 2 or some Foie Gras or some Kobe Beef!!

See Ya!!

“Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come Back Another Day”, or more like “Don’t Come Back Another day”. I hate this damp, cold, miserable weather as it always ends up in making my chest and breathing a whole lot worse. They do say that the moistness in the air should make things a little better in the breathing department but for me it is completely the opposite. The first sign of rain drops and I’m running for the nebuliser and any other puffers I can get my hands on to try and allow me to breathe. Its at times like this that I can really do with just jetting off somewhere nice and sunny till the good weather, that’s a laugh, returns. Just the slightest movement leaves me gasping for oxygen, even silly little things like standing up for more than about 5 seconds can turn me into this quivering mess struggling to breathe. In thinking though I have been out of Heath Towers for well over 2 months now, which at this time of year is good going for me. In previous years I would not have been able to stay away for this length of time, as I would have got one infection or another that needed to be treated there, so maybe something is working, such as the Heamaglobulins??

Not a lot has happened since the last posting, pretty much as a result of what I’ve been saying, the weather and I’ve not had to go to the hospital much either. Next week it’s more like back to normal with a couple of visits to Heath Towers firstly to see Merlin on Tuesday. I am hoping he will have some more information for me about starting this Extracorporeal Photochemotherapy treatment. I’m not quite due for my next dose of heamaglobulins, I think they are due in a couple of weeks, but I will also have the usual blood letting session and the endless wait for drugs. I am also going to ask if the Pic line can be taken out as it has blocked up completely now and wont take a flush either. On top of this it has been a little sore occasionally as my skin is quite sensitive there and when I sweat it just seems to make the whole area a bit of a mess too. I don’t really need one in right at the moment however I will need to have either a Pic line or a Hickman line in when I start this treatment I would think. Well if they take this one out now at least my arm will have a chance to recover before they have to put the next one in. It’s also one less chance of getting an infection which is a bonus I suppose. It looks also likely that this next week will be the last time I have the Physio at home. The scheme is only designed to be given for 6 weeks in all, well I have actually had 8 weeks which is more than they usually do. It is a shame as I really did benefit from their attention and sadly there is no alternative service available to carry on their good work. It’s down to me now I guess to try and continue to do the exercises that we have been doing and then also trying to get out for a walk more often, with Judith obviously chasing me with the wheelchair, as this is where I was making good steps, so to speak, towards getting a little fitter. Again though the weather has a key role to play in all this too as if it’s cold and damp or wet then there is no chance of me doing any walking outside.

The concentration is still a bit of a problem too at the moment. I guess this has been an on going issue all through this. Sometimes it’s better than others. I think it is a lot down to various medications or combination of medications. It can be really annoying as well as frustrating.. I find at times I can sit here watching the same old programme say 3 or 4 times in a day and still think that it is the first time I have watched it. Also at the end of it I couldn’t tell you what it was about, which is quite scary. It can be like one long day dream sometimes lasting days or weeks even. There is no real pattern to it either which is the frustrating part as when I do have times that my concentration levels are more normal I haven’t done anything different at all.

All this and I haven’t even got on to my skin yet. Well there’s no blinking change there too sadly. Hopefully this treatment will start sooner rather than later and at least then I can start to gain some benefit from it because at this rate it just seems to be getting worse and worse each year and I guess you can only become so tight before things start to rip and tear which doesn’t bear thinking about.

So its fingers crossed and anything else I guess, for some progress soon.

Also as a lot of you will know and have already visited his blog, Peter, a fellow Blogger and patient or should I say fighter, like myself, is having to go through another course of the nasty Chemo again at the moment to try and kick the lymphoma into submission. I’m sure he would appreciate your thoughts and prayers, if that’s your thing, and maybe a comment or two of encouragement to see him through this testing time. You can either get to it via the link to Peters Hospital Diary on the right hand side of here or click HERE to be magically transport through the galaxy, or is it the dairy milk straight to his blog.

See Ya!!