That’s Quite Strange!!

Do you know what, I just looked through the blog and it confirmed my thoughts that I have not actually mentioned my, to all intents and purposes failing health at all, nought, zilch, zero in fact!! Now I guess your thinking that this is not that much of an issue in the grand scheme of things because hey, yeah, global warming is still a reality and yes whether we agree with it or not we are still invading Iraq and loosing as well as killing innocent lives every day, I suppose my pretty much minor problems such as struggling to breathe and standing up straight and actually even playing an extremely tiny role in life’s rich tapestry are quite trivial. I would say I would probably be thinking exactly the same but seeing as I am talking about me and actually having to live as me I am beginning to see this as maybe just that little step closer to actually returning to some normality.

Now I am what might be called a realist, especially in matters concerning my health and also know that after speaking to all the many professional people involved in the many various areas of my over all well being such as all the consultants including obviously Merlin as well all the nurses etc not one of them has ever given me or will ever give me, the assurance that this will one day all get better. It is sadly the case that this is it for life, which obviously, hard as it was, I, along with many hundreds, actually thousands of Leukaemia patients have had to deal with it in my own way. In saying this though there have been times such as now where I have in all honesty not had any major health problems to talk about and then start to question whether this really is it and maybe there is hope on the horizon??

I know those of you who follow fellow Blogger Peter will know all about the recent turn of events in his condition and treatment etc and if you read back through previous post you will also see the extremely windy road he and his loved ones have been on for quite some time. It actually makes me feel very much like I’m a trainee at this whole thing as yes, I have been left with a few medical complications after having the Stem Cell Transplant from my Little Sis which you all know about but he has had to endure numerous Stem Cell Transplants and Donor Lymphocytes etc which each time you will believe will actually do the trick and get you out of this once and for all. Then when it all sadly goes wrong and doesn’t have the desired effect you are left to deal with the consequences, which must be so hard. I do hold the utmost respect for them all for being able to deal/cope with this as if I am completely honest I don’t think I could be so strong.

I know when Judith and myself were told that I had come out of Remission following the first lot of Chemo 3 years ago, which seems a lifetime away now, we were devastated and I remember feeling then, that all was lost and actually had to fight damn hard to stop myself from just totally giving in and accepting the inevitable. Thankfully I had a lot of very supportive people around at that time who basically convinced me to fight this bloody thing and not give in. I suppose from there it snowballs in a way because if your anything like me, a stubborn bugger, I have the attitude that now I have fought this thing and put so much energy into doing so and put my family and friends through so much there is no way I can give up now. I had my chance 3 years ago when I was faced with the Red And White Doors and made my decision then to fight to the bitter end and that is what I intend to do.

I guess though I can’t help having the odd feeling that maybe it will all just disappear one night while I’m asleep and it’s all actually been a dream although as the years go on this feeling I admit is growing a little thin!!

See Ya!!