Deep, Deep Down!!!


Oops has it really nearly been a week since I last inflicted my rantings on you lucky things. Think yourselves lucky as it hopefully doesn’t happen too often.

I guess a lot of my time has been taken up, trying to get my head around the changes that are happening in my life some of which as you may have gathered by now require a lot of getting around so to speak. I have been finding more and more that the old negative demons that have appeared from time to time in the past, trying their best to drag me into their pit of depression are screaming more loudly than usual and I would be a liar if I was to say I have not at least spent some time in their company. I’ve had many a thought such as, “Is it really worth fighting on”, “Was it all worth it?”, “Woe is me”, you get the picture.. It has been and no doubt will continue to be a real fight to not follow this route as however much you know deep down that it is not the way to go it is so tempting to take what many will see as the easy option, if there is such a thing and just give up. But, as I’ve pointed out on a few occasions I am a stubborn bugger and will continue to fight till the end. One thing that always seems to come to mind at moments like this is that, if I was to give up now what has all the suffering and punishment I have not only put myself through but all my family and friends as well as all the professionals involved including people like “Merlin” and also one of the registrars “Hagar The Viking” who stayed at my side treating me for hours after he was meant to be off duty, then coming back in to continue on after just a few hours rest, when I was pretty much in a continual seizure for quite some hours and pretty damn close to popping my clogs for the first and sadly not the last time, to name just a very small few. They do say that if I was a cat I would have used up all my lives by now!! So you see when you add into the equation the thoughts of letting others down too and not just yourself it kind of makes you want and need to fight that bit harder. One other thing too. Although I am by know way seen as a church going Christian I quite often have this phrase floating around in my mind which I know comes from a hymn I used to hear and sing too all those times when I was dragged along to church as a child and that’s, “Fight the good fight, with all your might”. Which does ring true. See mum it was all worth it in the end.

It is quite well documented, although I guess, always quite impossible to measure the effects of positive thinking. Take for example the number of elderly people who after loosing a partner after being together for years will then pass away themselves quite soon after, having in a lot of cases been in a state of good health all their lives. Just the thought of life without their loved one combined with just giving up in reality is enough to bring this on. We all just seem to put it down to as they say “A Broken Heart”. So the power of positive thinking is not to be underestimated in my opinion.

Okay then I will leave it there for today, jeeeez I feel like a teacher or even a preacher reigning down my sermon on you all, ha ha ha!! I’ve seen a few scary examples of each over the years too let me tell you!! Enough to scare you into confessing to anything whether you did it or not.

See Ya!!