Hiya guys. I want to start this posting off by both apologising and also asking for your patience. I know this sounds a rather strange start but then again they don’t come much stranger than me as you all know, but I hope all will become a little clearer as it progresses.

Recently, say around the last 3 or 4 weeks it seems to be, although the feelings have reared their head over the last 3 years or so, I have found myself becoming more and more depressed and generally upset all the time. I have written about the issues I have been having with the Local Council and Social Services etc I know and it would seem by the general overtones of the posts that I am quite enjoying the ride. This is quite so in some respect however the underlying problem is that “Why should I bloody have to keep fighting for these things and also, WHY ME”? I guess there is a limit to how much fight someone has “in them” so to speak and I have probably used up more than I had in the first place. The upsetting part of it is that I seem to constantly be banging my head against a brick wall. What with the, completely ignoring you even exist, not returning Emails/letters, blaming other people, condescending shop keepers who are oblivious to how it is they are discriminating against disabled people by making them sit outside and shout in and beg for some assistance like your unclean or something, you get the picture, I suppose it has all come to a head recently. I don’t want you to think that I’m on the verge of ending it all, as you wouldn’t be further from the truth, but it is all getting a bit too much to deal with in one go and I need a rest or at least for things to start going my way for a change. Is it too much to ask for people to be honest and upfront and also not pass the buck.

Let me tell you this example. On the estate where I live there is an estate management committee which we all contribute too as being Ex-Military accommodation not all roads and paths etc are covered by the Council and obviously require maintenance etc etc, Anyhow, the I contacted the Maintenance Company as they have retained a seat on the board as part of the arrangement, asking if they could Email me the list of Directors (all Local Residents) and addresses as I wished to make contact with them regarding an issue on the estate. It was to do with the state of the pavements etc etc although I did not tell them that. They answered the Email within 15 Mins of me sending it as I have a reply to prove it. “IT TOOK THEM A BLOODY WEEK TO SEND IT TO ME”. I got it today a week later. Now I don’t think it would even take 5 minutes to get this information and it is not subject to any data protection laws, so why make it so frustrating for me?? I could have, I guess asked any of the neighbours for there addresses and most of them would know but that is besides the point as I asked them and they just messed me around. “BLOODY INCOPETENCE” I can’t stand it!!

I expect by now you are getting the general picture as to why I am feeling like I am. Although I have some wonderful family and friends etc who are always there for me I guess in things like this they are probably quite helpless although they do help. What I mean is that what I really need is someone to grab these people and box their ears a bit, or in some cases A LOT!!

It’s at times like this that in some ways I wish my mind wasn’t so active as it is now as until recently I have not been concerned with trying to sort out these things, but I soon wake up and realise that in a lot of ways I need to do this for myself and not just others.

Ah!!!! Harvey’s!!!! My Old Mate. Well a little won’t hurt will it??

See Ya!!