Forgive me please!!

Well I’m out at last and I must apologise for not writing anything yesterday but to be honest I slept most of the day and when I wasn’t asleep I just didn’t have the patience.

So what’s been happening then?? Well, I must say it is nice to finally be home as I really thought at times that I was not going to be seeing this place again. As I’ve said earlier I really felt scared and helpless to do anything about it too this time which is not like me at all as everything usually just goes over my head. Although I did my usual trick of putting on a brave face and trying to be the usual happy go lucky jonny when all I really wanted was for someone to say to me “ No more bulls**t tell me how you really feel and what can I do to help”. I guess I will never change in that respect though so I’m my own worst enemy.

My chest seems to be getting a little better as in I can breathe a bit easier although I still get out of breath at the merest sign of exertion such as lifting a glass ha ha ha!!! No but seriously I always find it hard after a spell in Heath Towers to try and regain some strength back in this frail old body of mine. The main problem is that exercise which is needed to try and build up the muscles in my legs makes my heart rate rise which makes me out of breath and when I say out of breath I mean OUT OF BREATH!!!!! Like an old man after climbing 20 flights of stairs. So I have to take my time over exercising which obviously takes longer to have the desired effect. It’s really frustrating at times especially times like now when my mind and soul are active and I really want to get on and try and catch up to my life which has continued doing a runner whilst I’ve been in hospital but my blinking legs haven’t got enough power in them to do the job. Anyone got a spare set?????

My skin is extremely itchy again and I just can’t get any respite from it at all. It sort of starts in one small area, say on one thigh. I try for as long as possible to ignore it and resist the urge to scratch it but it seems to spread , then in grows in intensity till I just cant resist anymore and have a good scratch, but the bloody thing is like a army of ants and as soon as you start to scratch they up camp and move to another area like say my back or my arms or my head and the swine’s are so clever because I can never catch them because usually after a while they just totally vanish without a trace. But they lull you into a false sense of security as when you least expect it they come out of hiding and attack you yet again. I can’t wait for Tuesday when this PUVA should hopefully start although I will apparently have to wait a couple of weeks at least to see any results if there will be any. I must admit that I’m sort of thinking 50/50 whether it will work or not. Although I am trying to remain positive past experience ells me that there is a good chance it wont work. At least Merlin has a few more tricks up his sleeve.

Do you know one of the main things I miss when I come home from a spell at Heath Towers, apart from the delightful nurses and doctors of course is the Adjustable Beds. They are so comfortable especially if your anything like me and find it difficult to lie flat because of not only the skin tightness but the breathing problems mainly. I’ve tried all sorts of combinations of pillows and wedge shaped foam pillows and sausage shaped things etc etc but nothing comes anywhere near the practicality of these beds. I started to look around on the web yesterday for either a kingsize or two singles to make up a kingsize and the prices of them you would not believe. They are anything from around £1500 upwards. I knew they were quite expensive but £1500 I ask you that’s a blinking rip off. I should have known really as being involved with disability type jobs and stuff in the past you soon realise that anything to do with disability as in aids etc is always priced at huge inflated prices which seems to be aimed at the NHS paying for it as they seem to mainly just pay whatever is asked. I know there are certain grants available from various places as well as financial help from the likes of Macmillan and George Thomas etc but that will still not bring it down to an affordable amount sadly. I guess I will have to continue to find an alternative way of getting comfortable enough to be able to sleep. Maybe a Hammock might work you never know!!! Or a better idea may be that, next time I am in hospital get Judith to bring a couple of the drivers and one of the empty vans in and wearing balaclava’s kidnap me from the ward putting me and the bed in the back and after dumping the bed off at home drop me at the nearest A&E with a note attached explaining that I had been kidnapped and the kidnappers came to the conclusion that the bed is worth more than me therefore I was not worth hanging onto.

Right enough is enough I’m off.

See Ta!!

Johnny’s Going Home…………Eventually!!

It’s all guns blazing now to get the heck out of here. This I have found from past experience to be the most frustrating, annoying and generally negative period of your stay in hospital. Maybe if you were to suddenly be told that you were being kicked out I could understand the waiting around or if for example they changed the protocol involved in discharge, but how come it always ALWAYS!!!! Takes hours and hours to sort out. I think the earliest I have ever been discharged must be about 2.30pm and the latest would have been around 10pm. The average seems to be around tea time sort of 5pm ish. If you try and work out all the elements involved in being discharged they will never equate to the actual time it has taken to complete all of them. Here is just an example for you from one of my recent stays at Heath Towers, bearing in mind all involved knew the day before that I was to be going home.

Tasks needed to be completed and time needed to do them :

Blood Levels Taken and Checked (including time for Microbiology to Process the samples) 1 ½ hours

Drugs including Doctor Writing out TTH form, Nurse or pharmacist collecting all drugs from room and taking to pharmacy if needed and to replenish and replace any drugs needed too take. Bearing in mind they have an ample stock of most used drugs on the ward and there is a Pharmacist based on the ward every morning till 12 noon to complete this task. I guess a real conservative figure would be 2 hours and that’s taking your time.

Doctor’s ward visit to make sure all is well and you can in fact escape the clutches of all the nurses and doctors who incidentally are all begging and pleading you for stay. Yeah Right !!!!!!!! Usually takes all of about 5-10 minutes.

So barring any last minute hiccups etc like maybe needing a blood transfusion or potassium , magnesium iv which can take over 4 hours why then does it take a minimum of around 5 hours to complete that is if you take for granted that the staff as in doctors etc etc don’t start work till 9am. You can also factor into this that the blood samples are taken and sent for analysis by 7am.

Surely there must be a more efficient way of doing all this which not only make the matter less stressful for the patient but also make better use of the nurses/doctors time and I guess less stressful for the nurses as well as I’m sure it’s not just me who constantly hound the nurses with the same question every 20 minutes or so “When can I go home Please”???

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! Don’t get me wrong I don’t wish to make what may look like a huge issue out of this but just put a thought in peoples mind as to whether people may have some ideas. If you do answers on a postcard please to: think tank, blogdom, roath park lake island, splogeland.

Well well well!!! The ever cool hand dude Karen…..drum roll please: Aimed……..Fired……..And……….Missed. Then, Aimed…….Fired……and……Bloody Missed Again so she had a rest and a few deep breaths and changed tactics and lined up for a shot at the other arm. So, sweat pouring from her brow she eyed up the target in her sights. The look of determination in her eyes and refusal to admit defeat she started her run up. You could see that she was going over and over in her mind all the previous times that she succeeded in successfully hitting the right spot and this was not going to beat her. I was sat cross legged, fingers and toes crossed and anything else possible, praying that she would be third time lucky. As she got nearer the mark you could just make out the smallest of twitches of nervousness and also the determination in her actions till finally she took aim and fired with all her might then…………………………………it was as if the whole world had suddenly gone into slow motion and time was standing still……………………every now and then I could feel a little pressure as if just maybe it had come to land in the right spot…………………dare I ask???.................................OH NO !!!!!!!!!!! My Blinking veins have managed to elude the attention of the World Champion. Poor Karen was distraught with herself, you could see that she was not going to accept defeat likely no matter how much I tried to comfort her and tell her that the way to look at it is she couldn’t do no one else would be able too as she is the Undefeated World Champion. She really was up against a huge challenge this time as my veins have had a real battering these last few weeks and need a while to recover. So an appointment has been made for me to have one put in in 10 days or so when they have had a chance to recover a bit.

Good News Too!!! I’ve finally been given a date to start the PUVA treatment and that’s on the 2^nd may next Tuesday. At Bloody Long Last I Say!!!!! I’ll have to let you all know how the tan comes along okay????

Right my Taxi has arrived to get me out of here in the shape and form of Judith I will look forward to speaking to you all on the outside so to speak.

See Ya!!!

Good News For Me Anyhow!!

Good news, it looks quite promising that I’ll be coming home although I can see how some of you may not think that’s very good news like some of the lovely nurses on the ward, who I know will miss me terribly of course. I seem to have been nursed by the ever delightful Loraine over the last few days but I’m not too sure if she had picked the long or the short straw really ha ha!!

Right health wise, where do you start really?? Well all seems to be going in the right direction as far as recovering from the most recent invasion by the nasty brigade. When will they learn that I am a tough nut to crack and go and bother someone else for a change??

My ears were burning all yesterday afternoon as the Doctors had their usual Weekly Pow Wow!! I don’t know why but I got this vision of them all sitting around in a circle cross legged with The Prof in the centre so to speak, with his impressive Feather headdress, passing around the Peace Pipe. Anyhow they usually bring up relevant cases from what I gather and have like a brain storming session to try and come up with other potions ect to try and beat the dreaded creatures that are sent to invade our bodies. I think it’s a kind of 10 brains are better than 1. As you can imagine my case seems to come quite a lot because I believe in getting my fair share of attention thank you very much and besides I see myself as being responsible for keeping them all on their toes ha ha ha!!! I guess I could take this opportunity to introduce some of the Main Players in my Story Of Survival as far as Doctors go anyhow. Here Goes:

The Wizard – Dr Keith Wilson, overall spell master and spiritual leader also The Unbeaten Calypso King for the last 10 years.

Elgin The Owl – Dr Ermess, currently Wizards eyes and ears in his absence, also often seen in the library with his head buried in the books, he really must learn that you can’t fit your head through a gap too small then expect to get it out in one piece

The Sheik – Dr Hanni Osman, currently balancing his duties on the ward and day unit along with trying to keep control of his huge Harem and Oil Fields and Heard Of Camels.

Alibaba – Dr Mumtasir Haj, very happy go lucky doctor also covering both Day Unit & the Ward. Learned everything he knows from his days as an disreputable Persian rug salesman on the streets of Cairo whose catchphrase was “I Give You Velly Velly Good Bargain”

Lord Darcy – Dr Jonathan Kell, A very stout upstanding fellow and a grand doctor too although he has one vital flaw in that he Supports English Rugby, Poor Fellow needs some attention I think.

Astrix The Gaul – Dr Gleb Ivanov, A gentle giant of a man from the far away land of Vikings and Apple Strudel.

Gandalf – Dr Chris Pointon, a highly intellectual chappy who likes nothing like a good challenge and holds the key to the Great Book Of Spells And Potions handed down in his family for centuries, If only he could find the blinking book though!!

Professor Burnett is proving really difficult to come up with an alias ANY OF YOU NURSES OR DOCTORS GOT ANY IDEAS LET ME KNOW VIA THE COMMENTS THING OR EMAIL ETC. the best so far has been Bond because of the suave Scottish thing which I can see the point but its not quite befitting I think for a distinguished chap like him.

I hope this gives you a sort of visual impression all those of you who don’t actually know who I mean when I talk about a certain person because I think the alias’s give a damn near visual impression of the person concerned ha ha ha!!

Well they finally managed to get the Echo Cardiogram done this afternoon although I won’t find out any results till the doctors decipher the information tomorrow I suppose. So avoiding any last minute hitches including Karen missing with her javelin I should be a free bird tomorrow but hence not for long as they have managed to hassle the Dermatology department enough that they have given me an appointment for Tuesday to start the PUVA treatment at last!!!! Free Sun Tan Here I Come!!!

There has been some discussion at the Pow Wow that I mentioned regarding the Future possibility of maybe going down the Heart & lung Transplant route. Well this is something I have been thinking of the last few weeks I must admit. Theoretically it does make sense in that my lungs as you know are in a right mess and my heart has recently developed these problems with the left ventricle but due to the seriousness of the operation involved it would have to be talked through pretty deeply. One of my concerns would be that the main reason for my frequent in patient trips is mainly down to the Pseudomonas which apparently is colonised, but does this mean that just my lungs are colonised or my whole body which would then obviously make the operation less successful as the colonisation would just take over the new lungs so no problem solved there!! I would however listen to all the points made in favour or against for that matter and together hopefully come up with the right decision when the time comes. I surely would not just rule it out but it needs serious thought I think!!

Right then I hope to be blogging from home the next time speak to you all so take care.

See Ya!!

The Man From Delmonte He Says “Get Knotted”.

Remember a while back I told you about a bloody parking ticket I had been given at the hospital and that I had written off to try and plead insanity and get let off so to speak, well, Judith brought in a letter yesterday from the Vinci the car park people and sadly it was not good news. They have said that they had to uphold the penalty because you must purchase and display a valid ticket to be able to park in the hospital. Buggers!! I guess from now on I’m gonna be a right Victor Meldrew and report everyone who parks without a ticket etc….

Health wise not a lot of change today really, if anything I probably feel a little better than yesterday although I still have this annoying cough every now and then and I’m still very sickly when they give me this one particular anti-biotic. I guess at least it is going to finish tomorrow evening so only another 3 doses to go. I’m still not eating much at all which is quite concerning also as I usually have quite a good appetite. In fact I have lost around 1 ½ stone since I came in and most of that has sadly been in muscle mass which I could really not do with loosing at all. Things are so bad that at the moment just standing up from being in bed makes me really quite dizzy and there don’t seem to be enough strength in my legs to take my body weight. Wonder Woman is doing her best with all the various exercises to try and built the muscles up a bit. The other problem associated with this also is one of confidence too. Because of the dizziness and being shaky on my pins I don’t feel confident to even attempt to stand unassisted let alone try and walk at all.

I was having a chat with an old friend yesterday. Dr Hanni or The Sheik as I like to think of him. He’s one of the registrar’s here, in fact I can almost remember him when he was a Houseman ha ha ha!! I’ve been here so long. He’s a good guy always happy and jolly and always got a spare minute or two to have a chat about what’s happening etc, in fact all the Doctors and nurses for that matter here are all the same they just cant do enough for you except maybe of course the Nurse From Hell but fingers crossed our paths wont cross again.

I also managed to grab the elusive North Cornelly Village Queen 1978 Karen to try and see if she would do me a favour. I have a slight problem in that my Central Line will be taken out after the last Anti-Biotics on Friday morning and I will be left at the mercy of the Bloodsuckers and there spears after that, so I was hoping that Karen would be an angel and put in another Pic-Line for me on Friday to replace it. She said she will do anything for me including suffocation if desired which I thought was really nice of her. So if all goes well I should have a working Pic-Line sometime on Friday to keep the vampires away from my veins.

Right off to annoy some more nurses,

See Ya!!

Even I was scared stiff.

I guessed you all realised where I’ve been for the Last few weeks. Its sad isn’t it when you become predictable like me!!!! Well I’m sorry to say that I m still at Heath Towers for now under the watchful eye of The Wizard and his Underlings and Judith has hopefully managed to post these next few for me till I get released.

All was going fine till I woke up one morning thinking jeeeez it’s warm in here this morning, then I realised that I was doing an excellent impression of a vibrating washing machine all quivering and shaking. I thought I might as well take my temperature although I already knew what was coming… after sucking on the Glass Dummy (Thermometer) for a minute or so I thought lets have a laugh then and had a look. Well bearing in mind that a temperature of 37.5 odd is usually the sign to ring the hospital for advice which 99.9% of the time involves a trip into hospital I guessed my temperature of 39.5 might just mean a very haste trip into Heath Manor for some much needed attention ha ha ha. I can’t remember who answered the phone when I rang at about 5am but something like “What the bloody hell are you still doing there” when I mentioned about the temperature springs to mind ha ha!! After dragging Judith out of bed with the welcome news that I need a lift into hospital like pretty sharpish. I should have called an ambulance really but every time they come we always have the same argument about where they are going to take me. Because we live slap bang In the middle of the Heath Hospital and Princess Of Wales Bridgend Hospital and the fact that the ambulance usually comes from Bridgend we always have arguments with them because they want to take me Bridgend and I have to scream and shout and kick my feet and throw a real paddy you ought to see it, I ought to be given an Oscar fro my performance. When I try to tell them that I need to go to The Heath as they are a specialist ward and are expecting me and that Bridgend does not have the facilities to deal with me. So anyway unless I fell that there is a real need for me to call 999 I usually get Judith to take me in when most of the time is quicker anyhow as by the time we wait for the ambulance to get here usually about 15-20 mins then they sort of assess you then get you in the ambulance after the usual argument as I said and to top it all they take you the long way around too so Judith gets me there in half the time.

I was lucky in the fact that there was actually a cubicle available on the ward for me so no need to go through the meat market downstairs which is no fun at all. Ahhhh home from home!! By now the shaking had calmed down a bit as it usually does by the time I get into hospital. Along came the ever Polite and Softly Spoken Rachel wielding Metal Mickey the BP Machine thingy and waiving in front of my chops the Glass Dummy. You always feel welcome when you are greeted by Rachel, maybe it’s the “What the Bloody Hell Are You Doing Back Here, I Thought I Said I Never Want To See You Again”!!!! Well my temp was still up around 39.5 ish and my Blood Pressure was doing its usual trick of being quite low. I’ve done this so many times now I know the drill of by heart Blood Cultures, Doctors back and fore asking all the same questions and getting all the same answers usually too although this time there was a slight difference in tat I had quite severe chest pains on heavy breathing and moving sharply which I don’t usually get.

Anyhow after what seems like a life time I was allowed to have some Paracetamol to bring down this horrific fever. Over the next few hours I was monitored every 30 minutes or so for my blood pressure and pulse rate etc. Well I was beginning to come back to earth a bit as the effects of the Paracetamol were finally kicking in but my blood pressure was falling and my pulse rate was rising quite quickly which I guess might have something to do with the fact that all the nurses and doctors kept coming in and looking at me or stabbing me for more blood to test my blood/gas levels and all of them with a slightly concerned look on their faces. Now its not like me to get overly worried about anything to do with my treatment or condition as I recon I’ve hit rock bottom so it cant get any worse than that, but their actions and obviously the actions of my body as in the Blood Pressure and Pulse, topped off by one of the nurses saying that it might be an idea if we contact your wife to explain what is happening which I took to mean that “HEY Matey we are starting to get a bit scared ourselves”. One of my concerns was that Judith had flu like symptoms and was generally feeling unwell and so will not be able to come in to see me and probably worry herself sick. I Know I’m being stupid but that’s just the way I am…

After a few hours of pumping me full of various toxic goo’s and stuff and none of which having the desired effect of raising my blood pressure and lowering my pulse the nurse looking after me came in told me that they were moving me to The Presidential Suite upstairs also known as The Intensive Care Unit and this was I guess the trigger that told me that all was not well with the internals…… well no sooner had they mentioned it that I was being whisked up via an escort of 2 beefy porters. Well this was a new adventure fro me as they have never had the pleasure of my company before so there’s new blood to talk the arses off and general bother as only I know how to. No sooner had I arrived that they all over me poking and prodding and stabbing and pulling me this way and that all of which they were telling me about as it was going on but I think my hearing was about 10 minutes behind their actions if you get what I mean!! They ended up putting this sort of semi permanent Venflon into my wrist straight into the artery so that they could monitor more closely my blood/gas levels and various things like liver and kidney functions too a pretty impressive piece of kit all in all along with a Central Line in the side of my neck as they had to take out my beautiful Pic Line that they had put in the other week as they thought that one of the infections I had might have been caused by an infection in the line a likely story indeed. Well anyhow if this Central Line works okay there wont be a need for a Pic line but in saying that they are only designed to be In for a week to 10 days so I will have to have another Pic in hopefully when they take this out. There was no peace and quiet up there at all it was all steam ahead and I had the pleasure of being nursed by some wonderful nurses much like Heather’s Angels on C1 one of which happened to be the Delightful Rachel’s brother Nicky I think his name was and we managed to have a good a chin wag about her text book bedside manner which everyone should take note of I think ha ha ha!!! Judging by Nicky I guessed that she was like the Black Sheep of the family so to speak. A lovely nurse called Non which I guess was short for Rhiannon also had the pleasure of my company and she made the fatal mistake of taking an interest in my condition etc. Poor girl!!!!!!!! She had about a 2 hour ear bashing about the ins and outs of my life and stuff. I think she was last seen walking the streets in her nightie in the rain arguing very loudly with herself ha ha ha!!!. Apart from monitoring my condition up there they didn’t actually do anything as far as trying to treat the problems yet over a day or two my Blood Pressure began to stabilise and my Pulse rate began to return to normal miraculously. They decided that after a couple of days that I was in fact well enough to return to The Cocoon.

The pain in my chest was quite unbearable now along with the fact that the Anti-Biotics that they were dribbling into my veins was either not working or at the very least was taking its bloody time doing anything. The Morphine does the trick on a temporary basis although I try and stay off it for as long as possible because of the addictive effects along with the fact it makes you so tired and doesn’t last too long either so you just tend to need more and more to keep the pain at bay. My body is so strange with things like pain and sickness too as every time I present with the need for either pain relief of more especially some Anti-Sickness support the drugs that seem to do the trick changes each time I come in which is bloody annoying because it usually takes 2 or 3 days to sort out while in the meantime I have to suffer either pain of the dreaded constant throwing up or at least feeling like you are about to. Why can’t it be that it’s always the same at least that way I won’t have to always go through that suffering?? Every time I cough its like someone is shoving a blunt knife into the chest just above my heart and it’s the same when I try to take a deep breath too.

Well the Wizard and his Apprentice Elgin The Owl ( Ermesh) came a visiting this morning with the news that they now have an idea what it is that’s causing the infection and pain etc. Apparently it’s a Pnumococal infection along with some of the old favourites mixed in for good measure. The CT scan they did showed up the old damage to mainly my left lung along with some new signs of infection where I am getting pain my right hand chest. They have consulted the Great Book Of Pills And Potions and decided that Gnats Vomit 3 times a day along with the Secretions from behind the ear of a lesser spotted earless Merthyr Tydfil Salt Water Newt taken via Intravenous Infusion 5 times a day should do the trick nicely and 14 days worth too so poor old me aint going anywhere for a while yet. Ah Well I guess I better settle myself down for the ride I suppose.

It’s taken a few days as I said it would to get on top of the sickness and the pain relief and slowly but surely each day I seem to be getting a little better although it has really taken its toll this time on my fitness well more like complete lack of it is more like it really. Just moving from the bed to the chair or commode makes me extremely breathless and dizzy. The poor old Physio’s will have their work cut out yet again to bring some life back into these old and decrepit muscles. They always seem to do it though surprisingly. My very own Wonder Woman complete with Sparkly Costume including Cape and Florescent Ginger Spiky Hair too to pander to my every aching limb ahhhh what a life hey????

Well it about day 12 now I think and things are a whole lot better thankfully. The pain had eased a whole lot due to the right medication, the temp is back to normal along with the blood pressure and pulse too, and the sickness is much more under control although not quite gone. The infection is almost cleared up now so Merlin tells me by the various blood test that they seem to do on an endless basis, I which I could charge for this stuff as I’d be loaded by now the amount they’ve had off me. He says that he is happy the way things are going and that I should have at least 14 days of the Magic Potion to make sure it has done the trick then they will think about giving me Parole although all the usual conditions will apply like I must hand over my passport and agree Togo back to the day unit on a regular basis for follow up stabbings and general poking and prodding. So fingers crossed I might with a capital M be home sometime on the weekend if not early next week providing Wonder Woman pulls out all the stops which I have every faith she will do.

Right I think even I am entitled to a rest after writing all that twaddle, so I’m off for a little snooze I’ll catch you all later. Be good !!

See Ya!!

A Very Important Mission!!

I took a drive out today to go see my Mum as she is due to go into hospital on Sunday and there was also the small matter of my T-BONE STEAKS!!!!!! Which obviously came a second best to my mum. It’s always nice to see them both as I don’t get up there very often although saying that I was only there the other day. My sister Ruth called up to clean out her car ready to go in for a service and ended up only doing half a job, my Dad volunteered to give it a wash and of course she didn’t need asking twice ha ha ha!! Apparently my Dad nearly had a heart attack when he went to pay for his meat order earlier in the week as the steaks were over £20 for 3. Mum weighed them when I was up there and the smallest is 1lb 3ozs and the largest is a whopping 1lb 14 ozs, that’s like half a cow ha ha!! Good job I like them still bleeding as you would never be able cook it through it’s over an inch thick.

GUESS WHAT JONNY’S HAVING FOR TEA TOMORROW???

Has anyone seen a Lepracaun with skin that is way way too big for him walking around if so tell him to get his arse back here as the bloody lot he gave me is way too tight for me. I am as you might have guessed suffering quite bad today with really tight and painful skin. I can’t stand up straight and no matter how much cream I put on it is having no effect at all. To be honest it is getting me down a bit now as there doesn’t seem to be an end to it all. Lets hope this puva starts soon and is successful too as the drugs seem to be having no affect at all now as it is almost as bad as it was in the beginning..

Ahhhh Harveys!!!!! Maybe he’ll help me take my mind off it or make me fall asleep if nothing else ha ha!!

A big pat on the back for my sister too. Today she has been offered her second place at Uni for next year so its decision time Cardiff or Glamorgan?? I hope these people know what they are letting themselves in for??? I recon Glamorgan myself if only because of the possibilities of her having to eventually nurse me if she takes up Cardiff’s offer and revenge in her eyes scares me to death!!!

I’m off to apply some more cream and some Bristol Cream too ha ha

See Ya!!

Well it was only a matter of time i guess!!

I read that the first case of bird flu has been reported on british soil so to speak. It appears a dead swan was found in Fife Scotland and tests have proved that it did in fact die of bird flu and the so called deadly H5n1 strain too. So i guess we will be looking at more mass chaos like with the Foot and Mouth epidemic a few years back. Well i will just have to break it too the Duckies that as from now THEY'RE GROUNDED!! No more trips outside for some fresh air and exercise its strictly indoors from now on till this whole thing blows over. Read about The outbreak Here

Heres a thing for you. Read this news item here
I always knew all them years that i have been trying to grow algae on my bathroom ceiling that it would come in handy for something.

Been an Itchy Scratchy day today. The skin problem is still causing me major problems. Its so tight and itchy too. The Cream works for all of about 30 minutes so thats not really any good and to be honest i along with most of the doctors are scratching their heads as to what to do. I know that the Puva will hopefully start soon and to be honest i am kind of pinning my hopes on it doing the job although i know that even if it does it will take a while for me to notice the difference. I am however not pinning ALL my hopes on it as i have tried that in the past and as a rule it always back fires. There are other alternatives available as i have mentioned in previous posts but i guess this is the most unevasive treatment. You would think in this day and age with nearly every woman and a growing number of men too taking more and more interest in their skin conditioning that there would be a suitable cream on the market to sort of make your skin more elasticated and non itchy but i've got the reciepts to prove that believe me there isn't such a thing as i've tried the lot along with the various potions from the doctors .


Better go put on the 5th lot of cream today so i can have some peace for a little while.

See Ya!!

I finally managed to get to see the delightful Sarah today after months of having to cancel due to being in hospital and stuff. I think to be honest with you I really did need it by the time I got to see her as I have had a lot of life changing decisions to make lately like, giving up the job and the future predictions for my health as in my chest. I know that talking to like Judith really helps and also all my friends and family and nurses and doctors help too but I guess if any of you haven’t been to see a councillor before you might not be able to understand what I mean when I say that it is different. One way to try and explain it is all the other people I mentioned are sort of connected to me in different shapes and forms and as such are not what I see mentally as independent if you see what I mean. Sarah on the other hand has never had anything to do with my illness or treatment of it and she’s not related and although I value our relationship greatly she is not a friend as such so I find it easy to be able to think of her as independent and as such have no problem with opening up my very soul which can be quite frightening at times.. Believe me!!!!!

As the sessions are so intense although only and hour at a time we both put our all into the session which is never structured at all as that way you sort of follow your feelings and usually get to the route of what the thought / problem is !!! It is absolutely exhausting and in fact I feel like just sitting in the car for an hour or two after each session and just sleeping before I can carry on the rest of my day.

I have been having these sessions for about 9 or 10 months I think now and I would say that maybe the last 1 or 2 sessions have brought out something quite interesting and that is, a lot of my feelings are very closely along the same lines as feeling of Loss and in fact Bereavement. I guess if you look it like that then yes there is a lot of truth in that. I do mourn the loss of my old life, my health, my job even and also things life my future employability etc.. So I guess I have to go through this whole bereavement process I order to be able to move on with my life and mourn what I need to mourn.

All in all it was a good session although it really did take it out of me and for a change I guess it left me with more questions than answers but in a position to be able to answer them myself through the grieving process.

Well I’m surprised I managed to stay awake this long to write this I’m off for a snooze.

See Ya!!

I’m not mad just bloody plain stupid!!!

I woke up this morning and thought to myself I feel quite well for a change. None of the usual cough, cough, and even my skin seemed to maybe ever so slightly better and not so tight. Well I did the usual downing of the daily concoction of pills and potions, its sad really as I can do it in my sleep now as I seem to have been taking the same things for years. Not long after I had taken them all I went to get up and then realised that my skin was still quite tight so had to plaster a load of cream on and wait for it to sink in before I could venture off the sofa. Its amazing what a bit of cream can make to the feeling of tightness and pain too but sadly it doesn’t last any longer than about 30-45 minutes so I would need to be putting it on hourly which would not be possible at all as it almost kills me putting it on due to the movement etc and I’m usually a quivering wreck by the time I’ve finished ha ha !!

Right at last I can get up and make that coffee I so badly need. I looked out of the quite newly installed French Doors in the lounge and it looked like a glorious day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing and fighting over the Fat Balls and my eye was drawn to the ever lengthening Green Baize. I’ve been saying to Judith for a little while that she will have to start thinking about cutting the grass soon and she said that she will but best give it a few dry days before having a go. So I thought “I Know, I’ll save her a job and I’ll have a go myself”!!! Now for those of you that don’t know my lawn is about 20ft square and flat and doesn’t take long for Judith to do normally so how hard could it be??? Well after the first line across from left to right I was puffing and panting and reaching for my oxygen. Jeeeez I was in a mess but decided I had to keep going now as it looked really stupid with just one stripe cut and the rest left long and besides the bloody thing was not going to beat me. It felt as though I was having to push a heavy wheel barrow up a massive hill the amount of energy that was needed just to push it along even though it’s flat. All in all it took me about 1 ½ Hours to do it all and even then I left the lawnmower for Judith to clean and put away as that would have just completely finish me off, Sorry Jude Honey!!!

My old mate Lorraine (The Social Worker) came for a natter today too and it was so funny the first words she said to me was ,”God you look well”, I told her she needs to see an optician as her sight is going ha ha after having tried my best to kill myself out the back. I can’t remember the last time I saw Lorraine it must have been about 3 or 4 months ago so we had loads to catch up on. I was busy telling her all about the recent events with the various hospital visits and illnesses and diagnosis’s. Remember me telling you about the new Dermatologist the other day well aint it a small world??, she is the best of friends with Dr Finlay’s Wife who happens to be a doctor too although in Oncology in fact they actually went to Lorraine’s wedding many years ago now. I should have said try and put a word in for me ha ha not like me to waste an opportunity is it?? I had a good old chin wag with Lorraine and managed to find out the answer to a few things that I wanted to speak to her about such as employment stuff which was helpful. You see officially I am still Employed although I have been on the sick since I was diagnosed back in December 2003. It’s on paper only really as they don’t actually pay me a penny as it’s all benefits etc that I get but to be honest I needed to have that glimmer of hope in the distance of the possibility of maybe returning to work one day which that gave me, but, due to the recent discussions with The Merlin and others I have had to come to realisation that I will almost probably not be able to work again and definitely not in the old job anyhow as that was loads of lifting and stuff. So I guess for Closure really I am going to write my letter of resignation later on this evening and sort of put an end to that chapter of my life and then try and get on with looking forward to the next exciting episode whatever that will be!! I will be quite sad really as to be honest I did really enjoy that job and the other staff there were great and we all got on just like one big happy family. Maybe as Judith still works there I will get to go and meet the lads sometime which would be nice.

Okay I better go and get writing then.

See Ya!!

At last I can finally tell you all about it. For the last couple of weeks now we have been looking for a new car for Judith and Tara to share.

I haven’t been able to say anything as it was going to be a surprise for Tara which one we got if any at all. Tara is just starting to take lessons and as my car is on Motorbility so she can’t use it really and Judith will, due to all the extra courses to do with the Cadets need a car to go away with and something a bit more reliable than an old banger.

After a couple of weeks of searching for a small economical little car for the two of them I settled on a little Citroen C1 Vibe in Red. It is a real true Girly looking car just right for them two. Judith and I went to pick it up on Friday morning and to be honest Tara was getting a little suspicious with the phone calls and the visits to Cardiff where we usually don’t go very much but she didn’t cotton on though. I had to go off to the hospital sadly so I never got to see her face when Judith handed her the keys to the car after she’d wound her up a bit of course, well that’s all the fun of it. Her face was a picture apparently and she was so excited when she rang me later to thank me for getting it for her. Now we just got to put up with the No Don’t Do That and stuff … and boy am I am bad passenger at the best of times. One of the other reasons for getting a new car so soon and not waiting till she passed her test is that she has been offered very kindly by the Ex Chairman of the golf club where she works free driving instruction. He is a retired driving instructor/examiner from the police force and as a result will probably end up saving a few hundred pounds in all and you know I’m a sucker for a bargain!!!

Skin is really tight today and suffering a bit to be honest with my breathing as a result of this. Due to the impending start of the puva treatment too I had to contact the Pulmonary Rehab Unit to cancel the start of the course which was due to start on the 10^th April. The problem I have is that this would have been 3 days a week for 8 weeks and the puva is also 3 days a week for 12 weeks so they would clash. I also thought that as my skin condition which the puva is supposed to deal with is somewhat hampering my breathing it would make sense to sort out the skin first, that way they will be able at the rehab to get a more accurate picture of my lungs capabilities.

I’ve got a quiet week SO FAR!! In fact I am only booked in for one session with the lovely Sarah (The Councillor) and no actual visits to the hospital at all so a week of relaxing for me for a change but in saying that remember the last time I had a week like that it turned into bedlam!!!

I’m off then to relax and recuperate.

See Ya!!

At last I can finally tell you all about it. For the last couple of weeks now we have been looking for a new car for Judith and Tara to share.

I haven’t been able to say anything as it was going to be a surprise for Tara which one we got if any at all. Tara is just starting to take lessons and as my car is on Motorbility so she can’t use it really and Judith will, due to all the extra courses to do with the Cadets need a car to go away with and something a bit more reliable than an old banger.

After a couple of weeks of searching for a small economical little car for the two of them I settled on a little Citroen C1 in Red. It is a real true Girly looking car just right for them two. Judith and I went to pick it up on Friday morning and to be honest Tara was getting a little suspicious with the phone calls and the visits to Cardiff where we usually don’t go very much but she didn’t cotton on though. I had to go off to the hospital sadly so I never got to see her face when Judith handed her the keys to the car after she’d wound her up a bit of course, well that’s all the fun of it. Her face was a picture apparently and she was so excited when she rang me later to thank me for getting it for her. Now we just got to put up with the No Don’t Do That and stuff … and boy am I am bad passenger at the best of times. One of the other reasons for getting a new car so soon and not waiting till she passed her test is that she has been offered very kindly by the Ex Chairman of the golf club where she works free driving instruction. He is a retired driving instructor/examiner from the police force and as a result will probably end up saving a few hundred pounds in all and you know I’m a sucker for a bargain!!!

Skin is really tight today and suffering a bit to be honest with my breathing as a result of this. Due to the impending start of the puva treatment too I had to contact the Pulmonary Rehab Unit to cancel the start of the course which was due to start on the 10^th April. The problem I have is that this would have been 3 days a week for 8 weeks and the puva is also 3 days a week for 12 weeks so they would clash. I also thought that as my skin condition which the puva is supposed to deal with is somewhat hampering my breathing it would make sense to sort out the skin first, that way they will be able at the rehab to get a more accurate picture of my lungs capabilities.

I’ve got a quiet week SO FAR!! In fact I am only booked in for one session with the lovely Sarah (The Councillor) and no actual visits to the hospital at all so a week of relaxing for me for a change but in saying that remember the last time I had a week like that it turned into bedlam!!!

I’m off then to relax and recuperate.

See Ya!!

Finally got the see the Dermatology consultant yesterday after the good old wizard had managed to arrange for me. I had to laugh when I went in to see him as half the problem with me waiting so long for the treatment was that my consultant had retired this month and handed over to one of his juniors. What’s so funny I hear you say; well his junior is only about 2 years younger than him so he’ll probably be retiring himself soon ha ha ha. He was equally as excited with the look of my skin as the last consultant was. I’ve never seen such a severe case as yours in all my years he said, you really must be suffering, you bloody bet I am mate. He’s pushing for them to get on with the UVB stuff as a matter of urgency which could even mean next week. I found out the treatment is 3 sessions a week for 3 months. Sods law isn’t it as I have just finally been given a start date for the Pulmonary Rehab which I have been waiting for months for and that starts the week after next and guess what?? That’s 3 sessions a week too arggggggggg!!!!!!!!!! So I think as my skin is by far the worse problem and in fact does hamper my breathing a fair bit at the moment I would have to give priority to the UVB treatment. I will just have to try and ring the rehab unit on Monday to postpone for now which will probably mean that I will get lost in the system and have to go through it all again at a later date but I have no choice do I really??? Unless there is someone out there who will disguise themselves as me and go to the rehab for me?? Anyone at all?? Thought not!!

Have any of you ventured over to my sister’s blog recently. She’s just had some good news in that she has been offered a place at Cardiff Uni next year to continue with her studies which is well cool. What am I saying there may be every likelihood that our paths may cross as in patient and nurse not brother and sister. Oh no I can just see that glimmer of revenge in her eyes as she comes towards me with the hypodermic. My only saving grace is that she might not recognise me with my new hair do which by the way I should be having around the 10^th as long as she doesn’t have to order one especially. I can’t wait.

Oh yeah!! I was woken up this morning by the dulcet tone of the postman ringing the door bell which has not happened for a long time. When I opened the door I was presented with an ever familiar shaped little square box and do you know what soon as I saw it I thought “What’s Mother Been Up To Now”!!! So I made myself make a cuppa and sit down instead of giving in to the urge to just tear the box open. So cuppa done I set about opening it up. Ha Ha HA!!! I was greeted by these 2 little pink boxes inside each containing you never guess what???????? That’s right 2 little duckies ha ha ha!! The one is pink and covered in loads of little pink hearts and wearing a gorgeous pink feather boa and the other is a glow in the dark one which illuminates when it comes into contact with the water ha ha ha!! I recon these 2 are gonna break some hearts at the pond I can see it now I’d better keep them away from the 2 squadies for now cos they will eat them alive. Oh I can’t wait till I have a bath tonight so I can see her perform in the dark.

THANKS MUM!!! You made my day oh and by the way if you see some T-Bone steak on your travels can you pick it up for me and I will give you my Jersey 50p when I get home ha ha well I might as well start making money off it again.

See Ya!!