I finally managed to get to see the delightful Sarah today after months of having to cancel due to being in hospital and stuff. I think to be honest with you I really did need it by the time I got to see her as I have had a lot of life changing decisions to make lately like, giving up the job and the future predictions for my health as in my chest. I know that talking to like Judith really helps and also all my friends and family and nurses and doctors help too but I guess if any of you haven’t been to see a councillor before you might not be able to understand what I mean when I say that it is different. One way to try and explain it is all the other people I mentioned are sort of connected to me in different shapes and forms and as such are not what I see mentally as independent if you see what I mean. Sarah on the other hand has never had anything to do with my illness or treatment of it and she’s not related and although I value our relationship greatly she is not a friend as such so I find it easy to be able to think of her as independent and as such have no problem with opening up my very soul which can be quite frightening at times.. Believe me!!!!!

As the sessions are so intense although only and hour at a time we both put our all into the session which is never structured at all as that way you sort of follow your feelings and usually get to the route of what the thought / problem is !!! It is absolutely exhausting and in fact I feel like just sitting in the car for an hour or two after each session and just sleeping before I can carry on the rest of my day.

I have been having these sessions for about 9 or 10 months I think now and I would say that maybe the last 1 or 2 sessions have brought out something quite interesting and that is, a lot of my feelings are very closely along the same lines as feeling of Loss and in fact Bereavement. I guess if you look it like that then yes there is a lot of truth in that. I do mourn the loss of my old life, my health, my job even and also things life my future employability etc.. So I guess I have to go through this whole bereavement process I order to be able to move on with my life and mourn what I need to mourn.

All in all it was a good session although it really did take it out of me and for a change I guess it left me with more questions than answers but in a position to be able to answer them myself through the grieving process.

Well I’m surprised I managed to stay awake this long to write this I’m off for a snooze.

See Ya!!