Even I was scared stiff.

I guessed you all realised where I’ve been for the Last few weeks. Its sad isn’t it when you become predictable like me!!!! Well I’m sorry to say that I m still at Heath Towers for now under the watchful eye of The Wizard and his Underlings and Judith has hopefully managed to post these next few for me till I get released.

All was going fine till I woke up one morning thinking jeeeez it’s warm in here this morning, then I realised that I was doing an excellent impression of a vibrating washing machine all quivering and shaking. I thought I might as well take my temperature although I already knew what was coming… after sucking on the Glass Dummy (Thermometer) for a minute or so I thought lets have a laugh then and had a look. Well bearing in mind that a temperature of 37.5 odd is usually the sign to ring the hospital for advice which 99.9% of the time involves a trip into hospital I guessed my temperature of 39.5 might just mean a very haste trip into Heath Manor for some much needed attention ha ha ha. I can’t remember who answered the phone when I rang at about 5am but something like “What the bloody hell are you still doing there” when I mentioned about the temperature springs to mind ha ha!! After dragging Judith out of bed with the welcome news that I need a lift into hospital like pretty sharpish. I should have called an ambulance really but every time they come we always have the same argument about where they are going to take me. Because we live slap bang In the middle of the Heath Hospital and Princess Of Wales Bridgend Hospital and the fact that the ambulance usually comes from Bridgend we always have arguments with them because they want to take me Bridgend and I have to scream and shout and kick my feet and throw a real paddy you ought to see it, I ought to be given an Oscar fro my performance. When I try to tell them that I need to go to The Heath as they are a specialist ward and are expecting me and that Bridgend does not have the facilities to deal with me. So anyway unless I fell that there is a real need for me to call 999 I usually get Judith to take me in when most of the time is quicker anyhow as by the time we wait for the ambulance to get here usually about 15-20 mins then they sort of assess you then get you in the ambulance after the usual argument as I said and to top it all they take you the long way around too so Judith gets me there in half the time.

I was lucky in the fact that there was actually a cubicle available on the ward for me so no need to go through the meat market downstairs which is no fun at all. Ahhhh home from home!! By now the shaking had calmed down a bit as it usually does by the time I get into hospital. Along came the ever Polite and Softly Spoken Rachel wielding Metal Mickey the BP Machine thingy and waiving in front of my chops the Glass Dummy. You always feel welcome when you are greeted by Rachel, maybe it’s the “What the Bloody Hell Are You Doing Back Here, I Thought I Said I Never Want To See You Again”!!!! Well my temp was still up around 39.5 ish and my Blood Pressure was doing its usual trick of being quite low. I’ve done this so many times now I know the drill of by heart Blood Cultures, Doctors back and fore asking all the same questions and getting all the same answers usually too although this time there was a slight difference in tat I had quite severe chest pains on heavy breathing and moving sharply which I don’t usually get.

Anyhow after what seems like a life time I was allowed to have some Paracetamol to bring down this horrific fever. Over the next few hours I was monitored every 30 minutes or so for my blood pressure and pulse rate etc. Well I was beginning to come back to earth a bit as the effects of the Paracetamol were finally kicking in but my blood pressure was falling and my pulse rate was rising quite quickly which I guess might have something to do with the fact that all the nurses and doctors kept coming in and looking at me or stabbing me for more blood to test my blood/gas levels and all of them with a slightly concerned look on their faces. Now its not like me to get overly worried about anything to do with my treatment or condition as I recon I’ve hit rock bottom so it cant get any worse than that, but their actions and obviously the actions of my body as in the Blood Pressure and Pulse, topped off by one of the nurses saying that it might be an idea if we contact your wife to explain what is happening which I took to mean that “HEY Matey we are starting to get a bit scared ourselves”. One of my concerns was that Judith had flu like symptoms and was generally feeling unwell and so will not be able to come in to see me and probably worry herself sick. I Know I’m being stupid but that’s just the way I am…

After a few hours of pumping me full of various toxic goo’s and stuff and none of which having the desired effect of raising my blood pressure and lowering my pulse the nurse looking after me came in told me that they were moving me to The Presidential Suite upstairs also known as The Intensive Care Unit and this was I guess the trigger that told me that all was not well with the internals…… well no sooner had they mentioned it that I was being whisked up via an escort of 2 beefy porters. Well this was a new adventure fro me as they have never had the pleasure of my company before so there’s new blood to talk the arses off and general bother as only I know how to. No sooner had I arrived that they all over me poking and prodding and stabbing and pulling me this way and that all of which they were telling me about as it was going on but I think my hearing was about 10 minutes behind their actions if you get what I mean!! They ended up putting this sort of semi permanent Venflon into my wrist straight into the artery so that they could monitor more closely my blood/gas levels and various things like liver and kidney functions too a pretty impressive piece of kit all in all along with a Central Line in the side of my neck as they had to take out my beautiful Pic Line that they had put in the other week as they thought that one of the infections I had might have been caused by an infection in the line a likely story indeed. Well anyhow if this Central Line works okay there wont be a need for a Pic line but in saying that they are only designed to be In for a week to 10 days so I will have to have another Pic in hopefully when they take this out. There was no peace and quiet up there at all it was all steam ahead and I had the pleasure of being nursed by some wonderful nurses much like Heather’s Angels on C1 one of which happened to be the Delightful Rachel’s brother Nicky I think his name was and we managed to have a good a chin wag about her text book bedside manner which everyone should take note of I think ha ha ha!!! Judging by Nicky I guessed that she was like the Black Sheep of the family so to speak. A lovely nurse called Non which I guess was short for Rhiannon also had the pleasure of my company and she made the fatal mistake of taking an interest in my condition etc. Poor girl!!!!!!!! She had about a 2 hour ear bashing about the ins and outs of my life and stuff. I think she was last seen walking the streets in her nightie in the rain arguing very loudly with herself ha ha ha!!!. Apart from monitoring my condition up there they didn’t actually do anything as far as trying to treat the problems yet over a day or two my Blood Pressure began to stabilise and my Pulse rate began to return to normal miraculously. They decided that after a couple of days that I was in fact well enough to return to The Cocoon.

The pain in my chest was quite unbearable now along with the fact that the Anti-Biotics that they were dribbling into my veins was either not working or at the very least was taking its bloody time doing anything. The Morphine does the trick on a temporary basis although I try and stay off it for as long as possible because of the addictive effects along with the fact it makes you so tired and doesn’t last too long either so you just tend to need more and more to keep the pain at bay. My body is so strange with things like pain and sickness too as every time I present with the need for either pain relief of more especially some Anti-Sickness support the drugs that seem to do the trick changes each time I come in which is bloody annoying because it usually takes 2 or 3 days to sort out while in the meantime I have to suffer either pain of the dreaded constant throwing up or at least feeling like you are about to. Why can’t it be that it’s always the same at least that way I won’t have to always go through that suffering?? Every time I cough its like someone is shoving a blunt knife into the chest just above my heart and it’s the same when I try to take a deep breath too.

Well the Wizard and his Apprentice Elgin The Owl ( Ermesh) came a visiting this morning with the news that they now have an idea what it is that’s causing the infection and pain etc. Apparently it’s a Pnumococal infection along with some of the old favourites mixed in for good measure. The CT scan they did showed up the old damage to mainly my left lung along with some new signs of infection where I am getting pain my right hand chest. They have consulted the Great Book Of Pills And Potions and decided that Gnats Vomit 3 times a day along with the Secretions from behind the ear of a lesser spotted earless Merthyr Tydfil Salt Water Newt taken via Intravenous Infusion 5 times a day should do the trick nicely and 14 days worth too so poor old me aint going anywhere for a while yet. Ah Well I guess I better settle myself down for the ride I suppose.

It’s taken a few days as I said it would to get on top of the sickness and the pain relief and slowly but surely each day I seem to be getting a little better although it has really taken its toll this time on my fitness well more like complete lack of it is more like it really. Just moving from the bed to the chair or commode makes me extremely breathless and dizzy. The poor old Physio’s will have their work cut out yet again to bring some life back into these old and decrepit muscles. They always seem to do it though surprisingly. My very own Wonder Woman complete with Sparkly Costume including Cape and Florescent Ginger Spiky Hair too to pander to my every aching limb ahhhh what a life hey????

Well it about day 12 now I think and things are a whole lot better thankfully. The pain had eased a whole lot due to the right medication, the temp is back to normal along with the blood pressure and pulse too, and the sickness is much more under control although not quite gone. The infection is almost cleared up now so Merlin tells me by the various blood test that they seem to do on an endless basis, I which I could charge for this stuff as I’d be loaded by now the amount they’ve had off me. He says that he is happy the way things are going and that I should have at least 14 days of the Magic Potion to make sure it has done the trick then they will think about giving me Parole although all the usual conditions will apply like I must hand over my passport and agree Togo back to the day unit on a regular basis for follow up stabbings and general poking and prodding. So fingers crossed I might with a capital M be home sometime on the weekend if not early next week providing Wonder Woman pulls out all the stops which I have every faith she will do.

Right I think even I am entitled to a rest after writing all that twaddle, so I’m off for a little snooze I’ll catch you all later. Be good !!

See Ya!!