Been better!!

Hiya, I’m not quite feeling too well at the moment. It’s hard to put a finger on it but I just don’t feel right if you know what I mean. The feeling of acid heartburn seems to have all but gone thankfully. My appetite is slowly getting better all be it I seem to have acquired a craving for pasties of all things. Well at least if I choose the Cornish variety at least I can get some vegetables in my diet ha ha ha!!! I still seem to be quite tired. I have upped my intake of potassium to what I was on in hospital as in 4 times a day as I know in the past this has caused quite severe tiredness and seeing as my diet is obviously not giving me the required vitamins and minerals this hopefully will make a difference. I tried to actually get out of the house for the first time in a few days today, only a trip into the local village for a couple of pasties from the bakery. Nothing strenuous just a walk from house to car of 50 yards or so then a short 5 min drive to the village a walk from pavement to shop about 2 yards and then the same to go home. Well what a mess. I started off with the walk to the car, where I had to stop half way for a breather and when I finally got to the car had to sit and get my breath back for 5 mins before it was safe to drive off. Just the short walk into the bakery I found really hard work and very tiring. The walk back to the house was again hard work which I must admit I made harder than it should have been as stupidly I decided to make myself walk all the way back to the house without stopping this time, thus by the time I got to the house I really was a mess and had to sit on the stairs to attempt to get my breath back for some time before I was fit enough to do anything. I know I’m my own worst enemy in that I always want to push that little bit more but my attitude is if you don’t push then you wont progress, although I guess I don’t quite know when enough is enough, I’m just thinking that I will I guess when my body starts to complain quite loudly which it has in the past. This latest visit courtesy of Heath Towers has really taken it out of me and to be honest I think has left me physically etc at a level I guess I haven’t been at since way before my transplant and that was over 18 months ago now, jeeeez was it really that long ago seems like it was only 6 months or so ago at times. I know what your thinking, that I’ve been through a lot this time and its bound to take some time to regain some strength and fitness and life for that matter but, why should I have to wait??? Why can’t I have my life back NOW??? Why do I feel so bloody tired and useless?? You know all the negative things that all seem to rise to the surface whenever you feel a bit low?? I also know that tomorrow is another day and probably will be a bit better than today if only in a small way but still slowly but surely I will get better I know.

Enough of this self destructing negativity crap I know it gets me nowhere only deeper and deeper into the doldrums.

I did have some good news today so it is not all doom and gloom. For about 2 ½ years now we have been fighting with one of the Insurances we had taken out prior to my diagnosis on a loan we had taken out for some home improvements. They have kept on saying that it is a technicality of the wording of there policy document that I was not entitled to claim on the terminal illness part. It’s all been down the probability of my life expectation and despite numerous letters back and fore the Wizard amongst others they have continually said no. I decided about 2 months ago to give up and actually cancel the policy and stopped the standing order. They have written a few times saying that we need to put it in writing that we wish to cancel the policy. Well as you know I’ve been somewhat tied up recently so never gave it much thought to be honest. When someone rang from the insurance company this morning and started explaining that we owe them £15 or so I was about to give her a mouthful about having more important things to worry about like trying to stay alive, I thought no wait and let her finish. WELL BUGGER ME!!!! She went on to say that they have re looked at the case as a whole and are know in a position to pay out the claim HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Good job I never did write that letter wasn’t it???

Its come at a good time really too as we’ve been considering trying to purchase a new bed one of them electronically operated ones as they really do make a difference when trying to sleep but there is no way till now that we would be able to pay around £1700 or so for one, until now that is!!!

I’m off to see what else I could do with as I hate to have money hanging around when it needs to be spent.

See Ya!!